Preparing for birth - both physically and emotionally - looks different for every woman. When does one begin preparation for the birth experience? The start of the 3rd trimester? Week 39? The second there is a positive pregnancy test? Long before that? What does it even mean to “prepare” for birth? Is it simply packing a bag and trying not to think about it too much? Or is it taking a childbirth class, reading a book or writing out a detailed birth plan/wish list?
I want to share with you a little bit about just how I’ve been preparing for birth this time around - because it’s looked a lot different than the first 3 times.
For me, with baby number 1, I spent a lot of time listening to and reading birth stories. (I HIGHLY recommend The Birth Hour podcast to ANY AND ALL pregnant mamas. You can learn soooo much from just hearing other women's experiences!) We also took a childbirth class at the hospital and I stayed as active as I could, running up until 38 weeks pregnant. I gathered a few “distraction” items for labor, like a head massager and photo from our honeymoon to focus on. I assumed I was totally underestimating how painful my desired unmedicated birth would be and knew I would need some extra help coping, so we also hired a doula.
Fast forward. I started planning for the birth of my 4th baby the second that I gave birth to my 3rd. I’ve been planning for the birth of THIS baby specifically for almost 2 and a half years. I know it sounds a little crazy, but after my last experience I knew that I wanted things to be different the next time, and that it would take thought, effort and time to make that happen. I’m a planner by nature, but even if you don’t consider yourself to be a planner, preparing for your birth experience (like anything else) can and will allow you to get the most out of your experience - regardless of HOW or where you plan to bring your baby earthside. And by “getting the most out of the experience” I mean coming out of it feeling empowered, confident and supported. (And unfortunately that doesn’t just happen automatically.) Why is this important? Why should it be? Because birth matters. The birth experience MATTERS. How women FEEL/FELT during birth matters. (And it can and will and does affect life after pregnancy/birth.) Because the experience of actually bringing another life into this world IS significant (no matter how or where). There’s no arguing that.
So here are a few ways I’ve spent the last 2.5 years preparing!
- Connecting with my body and my cycles - After my previous birth, I felt like I really missed out on that supernatural mind-body connection that we as women get to experience through pregnancy and birth. (This even carried over into my postpartum experience as my body and hormones were SO out of whack and I felt like I didn’t even know my body physiologically anymore.) Not long after the postpartum depression fog lifted, I started listening to fertility meditations, working on having a GRACIOUS attitude towards my periods/natural cycle, what my body is capable of naturally and really diving into self-care. Re-establishing that connection has been huge, both from a pregnancy/birth and non-birth standpoint. Vaginal steaming, fertility meditations and consistent alone time were some of the biggest things, but you can find an even longer list HERE!
- More meditations (pregnancy/birth affirmations and meditations) - Once I actually WAS pregnant, I shifted gears and started listening to pregnancy/birth affirmations and meditations. I have loved incorporating these meditations into other “relaxation/me” times, (while taking a bath or sitting in Starbucks, laying in bed or sipping coffee while driving in the car by myself). My hope is that during labor, I can turn these on and still associate them with all of the quiet, peaceful, relaxing, self-care times that I have had while hearing these. It also just feels good to let those affirmations wash over me - speaking so positively over my pregnancy, my baby, my body and birth experience.
- Reading Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth - I really haven’t read a ton of ACTUAL books on birth (despite having spent literally HUNDREDS of hours studying and learning about pregnancy and birth). But it felt SO good to read a book that really reaffirmed my thoughts and beliefs about birth, not to mention just absorbing all of the positive birth energy that this book pours out. Of course a book that speaks positively about what our bodies were literally DESIGNED to do has many benefits. But it really just felt like sitting down with a very close like-minded friend. One that says “Yes, I totally agree! Amen! Yes! You’re right! You’re not wrong for feeling that way! This is why you feel the way that you do.” Something like that anyway...
- Establishing a solid birth team - This time it was important to me to know and be familiar with those who will be sharing my birth space with me. I have handpicked each one of these people who will come alongside me, guide and support me throughout my labor and birth (and pregnancy and postpartum). I have spent a lot of time with them and know and love and trust them. (And they know me as well.) They will be there to support me and hubby, and to help HIM help ME! (Side note: I had a doula present for my first and second births, but not for my third - all of which were hospital births. I will never ever give birth without a doula present again. I cannot stress enough just how beneficial it is to have that kind of additional support during the birthing experience.)
- Diet/exercise - I’ve tried to establish/maintain a healthy-ish diet and stay as active as I can this pregnancy. The last time, with baby #3, everything went to hell and a hand basket and my life was completely upside down. Not eating well and not being active AT ALL (even just going on walks) was not a priority and impacted me on a lot of different levels, including my emotional state AND actual birth experience. This time I tried to be aware of these things throughout the entire pregnancy - in hopes that I am laying a solid foundation physiologically for myself. I have also been much more diligent about taking the vitamins and supplements recommended to me by my midwife. Being conscientious of what I am putting into my body as well as exercising (running, walking, yoga, etc.) has also helped me to feel more connected to my body and my pregnancy. (Please note - whenever I use the word “diet” I never mean “dieting”. I simply mean the compilation/combination/composition of what I am eating.)
- Working through “baggage”, past traumas, previous birth experiences (both positive and negative), fears and unrealistic expectations with my doula, therapist and midwife - This one is HUGE. And certainly still a work in progress (and probably will be until the arrival of this next baby, at least). But with each birth experience comes new “baggage” - whether in the form of expectations and/or fears (often unrealistic and/or irrational, respectively). After my last birth experience specifically, I have a lot of fear - from both an emotional and physical standpoint. I hope to share more on this later, but regardless of past birth experiences (or sexual traumas, physical abuse, PTSD, or even just perceived trauma from other experiences) I do believe in the importance of voicing these feelings, naming the “baggage” and having others hold that space for you. Even if I don’t feel like things are 100% resolved from my own previous experiences (they probably won’t be) at least acknowledging them, putting them out into the universe and sharing them with my birth team is progress, and I hope will reduce some fear, keep my expectations in check and keep my heart open to this new experience.
- Listening to POSITIVE birth stories - always LOVE me some good birth stories, but this time I tried to focus only on listening to and reading positive and empowering experiences. This was just a way for me to protect the energy coming into my brain. (Watching/listening to traumatic or extremely painful births makes me question a lot of things this time, so it isn’t helpful for me to take those in!)
And lastly…
- Perineal massage - This is a more recent (and very different) one for me! Starting at week 36, hubby has been doing nightly perineal massage - aka vagina massage! (Don’t worry - it’s not in a sexual way I promise! And if you don’t know what the H I’m talking about feel free to google it! I won’t get into all of the what’s and how to’s here this time.) It’s insanely difficult to perform perineal massage on yourself when you’ve got a giant 9 month belly, so having a partner do it for you is much easier. For five 1-minute increments (with 30 seconds between) the massage mimics a contraction, building in pressure up until the 30 second mark, then decreasing for the last 30 seconds. The intention is to stretch the perineum in hopes to avoid or minimize tearing. During these massages, I have been “practicing” being in labor. It’s not painful, but there is a bit of slight pressure/discomfort. It’s been the perfect opportunity to put on a meditation/relaxing music/labor playlist and practice getting into the zone. Focusing on my body and my baby, relaxing my pelvic floor and getting into the right headspace. It’s truly been great practice for learning how to relax while something not quite so relaxing is going on! (Side note: The first night I made Ryan stop because I hated it and felt really emotionally uncomfortable. We had some loud obnoxious TV show on and it just felt awful all the way around. The next night I tried to make it a more “zen” experience - and it made such a difference. To be honest, I actually look forward to those 5ish minutes each night now!)
That’s it! Those are all of the things I have been doing and focusing on to prepare myself for my 4th birth experience and bringing a new life into this world.
What does birth prep mean to you??
