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| Lisa LeBaron Photography and Film |
After 4 babies and 4 very different postpartum experiences (and having a horrific experience with postpartum depression after having my 3rd baby) I have spent the last several years really diving DEEP into learning about and understanding fully the postpartum phase. I've learned from my own experiences, from other cultures, from books and from other women. I know what postpartum is supposed to look like (and also what it's NOT). I thought it would be helpful (for myself mostly, but possibly someone else out there) to summarize how the things that I have learned have translated into what we plan and prepare for! Laying this foundation of healing and nurturing is SO necessary, and I truly believe that if more women treated (and respected!) postpartum this way we would see a significant decrease in ppd/ppa/postpartum mood disorders.
To quote a previous blog post written after I had given birth to my 4th baby: "In the past, I have gauged a "successful" postpartum experience by how "normal" I felt, how many normal activities/routines I could get back to and how quickly I could get back to them. I have previously bragged about pushing Heidi around in a grocery cart and grocery shopping 5 days after giving birth to Wells. I thought that's what it meant that things were going well. And while yes I can still look back at the fact that I was feeling well enough physically and emotionally to do that as a blessing - I didn't need to be doing that. That's not how you allow your body and soul to heal and be restored. This time, I'm bragging about how much time I'm spending in bed - and I think that's how it's supposed to be when you have a brand new baby."
***A side note on the topic of postpartum: I would like to encourage EVERY woman who is pregnant, plans to be pregnant one day, a person who is married/committed to someone pregnant, or really anyone who will be in close contact with a woman through the birth and immediate postpartum experiences to read the book "The Fourth Trimester" by Kimberly Ann Johnson. This is quite possibly one of THE most important resources out there when it comes to just simply understanding the postpartum experience and also how to plan and prepare for it. I also found it very healing, reassuring and validating reading it for the first time after my experience with postpartum depression following the birth of my third baby. The author is able to put words to things that are hard to express, and really helps to shed light on what the TRUE postpartum needs are. I wish, OH how I wish, that women spent even just a quarter of the amount of time planning for (or just learning about) the postpartum phase as they do planning for baby. I wish so badly that I had prepared/set guidelines for my first 3 postpartum experiences the way I do now, but especially with my first!***
Okay, onto the plan! I break down my postpartum experience into 4 different phases: The first 15 days, days 15-40, day 40-3 months, and months 4-12 and beyond.
The First 15 days
The first 15 days is a "lying in" period - "5 days in the bed, 5 days on the bed and 5 days around the bed."
- Days 1-5 In the Bed: The first 5 days, I am not getting out of bed except to use the bathroom and bathe. I don't get up to get myself food, I don't get up to answer the door, I don't get up for anything. Everything is brought to me or handled by someone else. If you come to visit baby and me (which, typically visitors are very much welcome and healthy for me!) WE WILL BE HANGING OUT IN THE MASTER BEDROOM AND I WILL BE IN BED - PROBABLY UNDER THE COVERS!
- Days 5-10 On the Bed: I still spend almost all of my time in or on the bed. I might move to the couch to visit with a friend here and there but then return immediately to bed. I might sit outside for a few minutes, lay on the floor to do some breath work or ride along in the car with Ryan to pick up groceries or coffee (but no getting out of the car), and I always return straight to bed afterwards if any of these things happen. I am always sitting or laying down. All meals are still eaten in bed.
- Days 10-15 Around the Bed: Most of my time is still spent in bed. I will let myself be out in public for very brief periods of time if it happens, but with Ryan and baby at my side the whole time. Sitting inside our usual Starbucks (where we know the employees) with Ryan for 10 minutes, or maybe a very quick little lunch date with Ryan and baby is okay, depending on how I feel. IF any of those outside-of-the-house things do happen, Ryan and I both know that if/when things start to feel like a little bit too much, I start to get emotional or suddenly feel too exhausted that means it's time to bail and tuck me back into bed with baby. That's expected and okay! During days 10-15, I'm basically either in bed, in the room next to my bed or on my way back to bed.
Days 15-40
- I still do not do any cooking, cleaning or exercise. All outings are kept simple and I am only "showing up" to things outside of the house and nothing more (no bringing baked goods to a gathering or worrying about a birthday present for a kids' party or anything like that). JUST showing up is enough. This is also usually about the time that Ryan goes back to work as well, so I am responsible for getting the kids to and from where they need to go during the week. If/when we are invited somewhere and I feel like attending, it must be a safe space, with people that I know and who know me. My baby will be with me or within sight the entire time. This is all VERY important.
Days 40-3mos (4th trimester)
- The rest of the "4th trimester" lasts through the end of the 3rd month. I still take it easy during this time. Small jogs are okay if I feel up for it and have stopped bleeding, but I do not allow myself to do any high intensity workouts regardless of how great I might think I feel. (And if at any point I start spotting or bleeding that is an indication to me to not only stop but to slow down and rest MORE than I had been.) The 5 universal postpartum needs are still prioritized, in order to nourish my body and my soul but also so that I can continue to remind myself that the 4th trimester is still VERY freshly postpartum. (The 5 needs are - extended rest period, nourishing food, loving touch, the presence of wise women and spiritual companionship and contact with nature.)
3 mos - 12 mos (and beyond)
- I don't have a lot of specific rituals or guidelines for myself for this time period, other than just acknowledging that the first year is still delicate and that I'm still in the postpartum period. I do not allow myself to run any half marathons in those first 12 months after giving birth, as it's important to give my body the proper chance to heal before putting it through the rigors of training/running those longer distances. I also always struggle with feeling the distance grow my pregnancy/birth experiences and my "new life", so I like to celebrate little milestones/anniversaries here and there to acknowledge their significance and stay connected to them. I don't usually plan those out ahead of time though, just do little things here and there as it feels right.
- I don't have a lot of specific rituals or guidelines for myself for this time period, other than just acknowledging that the first year is still delicate and that I'm still in the postpartum period. I do not allow myself to run any half marathons in those first 12 months after giving birth, as it's important to give my body the proper chance to heal before putting it through the rigors of training/running those longer distances. I also always struggle with feeling the distance grow my pregnancy/birth experiences and my "new life", so I like to celebrate little milestones/anniversaries here and there to acknowledge their significance and stay connected to them. I don't usually plan those out ahead of time though, just do little things here and there as it feels right.
For the first time ever, I also made a little postpartum basket for myself so I thought I would share what I put inside!
I tried to include a few of the "necessities" but also a few self-care items as well! (Half of these items will end up living in the bathroom but for now they can all hang out together!) I've got some foot masks, my Frida Mom upside down peri bottle, some super plus pads, comfy Frida Mom disposable undies, a printed version of my in-depth postpartum care plan (this is much more detailed plan my therapist and I worked together on, including sleep priorities, who is responsible for what, phone numbers of support people, etc.) I've got some super soft washable nursing pads in there for the early days, but after my milk comes in I usually have to use disposables bc I leak SO much and nothing will hold that much leaked milk except disposables! I also have my favorite water cup, as well as some of my favorite nursing snacks! I feel like every nursing mom has "her" go-to breastfeeding snacks (to the point where it's almost ritual or tradition!) but mine are Clif Kid Zfruit fruit ropes and (not pictured) these no-bake energy bites! Man I just can't get enough of either one of those and Ryan always brings me some (plus other snacks) for every middle of the night nursing sesh and frequently throughout the day! Proper nourishment, snacking and hydration are crucial in those early nursing days and that combined with tons of baby snuggles is SOO good for establishing a solid milk supply! I also picked up some of my fave Trader Joe's snacks - chocolate coconut covered almonds and dark chocolate covered blueberries :). I also have a sitz spray, sitz bath herbs for baths, my favorite tea and a copy of the the "Well Mom Checklist" provided by the Center for Postpartum Family Health/my therapist. I found a cute new basket at Target that makes me feel happy to put everything in. I love just pulling all of this out, staring at it and picturing a restful postpartum period with all my goodies by my side and of course allll the new baby snuggles.
While I am always a little nervous to enter into the postpartum period, I feel like at this point I am as prepared as one can possibly be. I have such a DEEP understanding (and respect) for not only what I need but what all women need postpartum. We've done the work (both mental and physical) and we're as ready as we'll ever be!
To read a little bit more in depth about what all of this looks like check out this blog post I wrote after I gave birth to Serena: Postpartum Thoughts and Our First 15 Days
If you're curious about my experience with postpartum depression you can read about that here: My Postpartum Depression
