ITS A BOY!!!! We are definitely excited to be welcoming a baby boy into our lives. But I have to say - I was not exactly expecting this! Not because I had some big mommy instinct telling me I was going to have another girl, but just because having a little sister is the only thing that I know! I just expected Heidi to have the same. Ryan is also not one of those guys who is all "I have to have a son!" so we were both in the mode where we were almost assuming (dare I say hoping?!) it was another girl because that's what we are already familiar with. I'll be totally honest here - I am slightly terrified at the thought of having a boy. "Oh, but they are so much easier" they will all say... But I have zero brothers, zero boy cousins... NO experience with little boys whatsoever. I am pretty put off by the thought of tiny weiners, all of those baby erections and all that junk flying around all the time. That all sounds extremely disturbing to me. I'm sure once he is here all of that will be no big deal... but until then I will stress out all I want! Heidi has also been an extremely easy baby and although she is quite the maniac, she does not have the destructive, rambunctious, out of control wild tendencies that little boys have. How am I going to handle being a boy mom?? I have absolutely loved being a girl mom more than anything!!
I knew that we would have a son at some point in our lives, I just wasn't sure when that would be... and this does seem sooner than expected (or at least sooner than I expected). I am not sad at the fact of having a boy, but I am sad that Heidi will not have that closeness with her (potential) future sister(s) that I have with mine. I LOVE being so close in age with my sister and now I fear that Heidi will not know what that's like. I'm sure she will love her little brother and I hope that they are close friends for life. But brother/sister relationships are not the same as same gender sibling relationships. Sure there is less competition, less arguing over sharing barbies and (maybe) less dramatic fighting during those high school years... I just hope that when the time does come for Heidi to have a sister that they aren't so far apart in age where they can't share things. Share phases of life, similar life experiences, share friends, BE good friends...best friends...and not just siblings.
I did however grow up on a street FULL of boys. I grew up playing tackle football in the front yard, street hockey in the street and always being a sweaty little girl with no shoes on...I loved collecting bugs, lizards, frogs, etc...I'm not afraid of snakes, rodents or insects (unless it's a roach. Gross!) Guns, swords and other weapons, power rangers and the like were all a big part of my childhood. In elementary school Santa even brought me a set of toy cars with racetrack included. As much as I love the girly things in life now, since probably the age of about 6, I was always extremely proud that I was not a girly girl. I think I was the son my father never had. So perhaps, Heidi having a bother will help her to develop into a girl who doesn't mind getting dirty. A little girl who is excited to go outside and collect all of the snails that she possibly can, who is not afraid to hold that boa constrictor on her shoulders or who enjoys playing boy video games. It makes me happy thinking about Heidi playing with her brother and all of his friends.
I am 150% certain that once he is here, everything will feel so perfect. Until then, it IS difficult thinking about what it will be like to change things up (gender-wise) completely! (No more cute little baby girl dresses, sparkly shoes or adorable headbands :( !!) As soon as he is here, all of those fears, anxieties and uncertainties will melt away and I can't wait to see how our family dynamic changes and grows into a family of 4.
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