Maternity Jeans Time

Okay y'all.  It happened.  I bought maternity jeans!!!  Here's how it went down...

Since I found out I was pregnant, I have just been wearing my normal jeans but using a hair tie to allow for a little more "give".  Well, it's been several weeks since I have actually worn jeans (I usually just wear leggings).  Last weekend, we went out to dinner to celebrate a friends birthday and I wanted to look at little nicer, so jeans and heels it was.  Well... guess I have grown more than I thought since I wore these last because this is what it ended up looking like...  

Yikes!  So I finally broke down and decided that I couldn't put it off any longer.  It was time for some maternity jeans.  So off to the Gap I went!  

I made my mom and sister PROMISE to take these away from me the second that Baby gets here.  (Okay okay, maybe the second WEEK.)  It's not that I am against maternity jeans.  It's that I'm worried I will love them SO much I will never get out of them.  (I mean honestly, why aren't ALL jeans made with an elastic band around the top?!)  See? It's a very slippery slope.

Anyway, I would also like to take this time to make note of how AWESOME all of the sales people were that I dealt with at the Houston Galleria this week.  When I got to the Galleria, I first went to normal-people Gap, which is attached to Gap Kids and Baby Gap.  (When I looked online it said that they did carry some maternity stuff there. [You can now "reserve in store" online at The Gap, so I could see which locations had maternity stuff available.])  I didn't really see much, so I asked an employee.  She happily told me that there was a second Baby Gap in a separate section of the mall and that there were even a few other new maternity stores in that area as well.  Awesome!  When I got to Baby Gap, the sales guy was super helpful and explained how everything worked.  For a first-time-maternity-jeans-buyer such as myself, it can be a little overwhelming, so it was great having an employee available (and happily so) to show me the ropes!  He showed me which jeans were "full panel" (where the stretchy part goes ALL the way over your belly) and which jeans were "demi panel" (that's where the band just stretches and supports underneath your belly), the different cuts and washes the had available, etc.  Well, I'm usually between a 2 and a 4 (my waist is a 2 but my thighs are closer to a 4.  Whoops!) so I grabbed both sizes and went to the dressing room.  Thinking that the 4 was my best bet, I tried those on first.  C-O-M-F-Y.  Perfect.  Didn't even need to try on the 2, as I assumed they would be too tight.  I went to check out with my jeans and a few workout tops and the 2 employees working behind the counter asked me which size I went with.  I told them 4 and they kind of gave me that "oh comeon girl!" look.  The lady said "Well did you TRY on the 2s?"  "No" I said.  They explained that while, the 4s were comfortable, after a few wears they would stretch out and turn into baggy mom jeans until the next time I washed them (because who washes jeans after EVERY wear?!  Not me.)  Okay okay I'll go try the 2s... Back into the dressing room and... They fit!  They felt exactly like my regular jeans in every way (in a good way), except comfy around the waist.  I am SO glad they made me go back and try them on!  Still feeling "cute" and good about yourself is always important, especially during pregnancy.  I would have been sad if I had brought these home, worn them once or twice and then had them make me look not so cute/like I have a baggy butt.  After I went back to the register, we kept on chatting and I was just so grateful for all of their help and friendliness!  Thanks Baby Gap!

A few doors down from Baby Gap #2 is Destination Maternity.  Destination Maternity is (I think - don't quote me on this) related to Motherhood Maternity, and is kind of like a big maternity mega store.  They have stuff from MM, A Pea in the Pod, among other maternity lines as well.  I was still on the hunt for a few more workout tops/leggings.  I walked in and made it all the way to the back of the store before seeing an employee.  She greeted me and then offered me complimentary water, apple juice or OJ.  I just LOVE when stores truly understand the needs of a pregnant lady (or really any shopping lady for that matter!)  She always came back to check up on me, helped me find the only pair of demi-panel black exercise capris and always made sure to take whatever clothes I had picked up to try on out of my hands (even took my other shopping bag to my dressing room for me so I didn't have to lug around that awkward-as-hell Gap bag). Usually, I prefer to be left alone by employees when I shop, but it was SO nice having the extra help.  I bought some capris and a work out tank.

I think something else that made such a huge difference (whether you're pregnant or not) is to do this kind of "first-time" shopping when you need a little extra help during off-peak times.  If you can go on a weekday during your lunch break, or way early in the morning on a Saturday or Sunday... it made ALL the difference having the help of these employees.  Way different than going at 1:00 p.m. on a Saturday when things are crazy and employees are probably hating life.  Again, I usually am a "get in, get out, don't really feel like talking to people" kind of person.  But it was definitely worth it asking for assistance this time around :)

Thanks Baby Gap and Destination Maternity for such POSITIVE maternity shopping experiences!

New workout outfit courtesy of the Gap (top) and Destination Maternity (capris)!

Week 22

Major events: Nothing crazy

Size of baby: Papaya 

Sleep: Sleeping for 4 hours or so at a time.  Constantly exhausted

Cravings: Mint chocolate chip ice cream

Movement: So many kicks.  Baby is most active in the morning and usually at night as well.  This week was the first time I have been able to feel her kicking/punching on two opposite sides of my belly. Now that is freaky!

Belly button in or out? In - woo woo!

Missing: Going 8+ hours without having to go to the bathroom! 

Best part of this week: Purchasing some new maternity (workout) clothes; spending time with friends; almost completing our baby registries (Which is a HUGE task.  I have been working on it for weeks!  So much MORE research goes into baby registries than wedding registries it's crazy!  I would definitely suggest starting the process as early as possible. I would have freaked out if I had waited until baby showers were discussed.  Lucies List was a HUGE help to me, as well as all of the usual review on the store sites.)

Hardest part of this week: Never getting anything done because I am so exhausted.

Looking forward to: Getting the nursery plans underway!  

Emotions: So happy.  Love being this size too!  I wish I could just stay this size for the rest of the pregnancy hehe.

Week 21

Major events: Last ultrasound!

Size of baby: Length of a carrot, weighs about 1 pound; I didn't feel like using a carrot though so I felt like a sweet potato was probably close enough 

Sleep: Slept 6 hours straight one night... that hasn't happened in months!  Other than that one night... still not sleeping well

Cravings: None

Movement: So many kicks!!  She is very active in the mornings and late at night

Belly button in or out? Still in thank goodness.  

Missing: Nothing specific this week...

Best part of this week: Relaxing and (at least starting to) try and pick out colors for the nursery

Hardest part of this week: Freaked out a little when I hadn't felt her kick in over 12 hours... but then she finally woke up I guess.  HUGE relief.  But that was a little scary. 

Looking forward to: Meeting her in 125 more days (give or take!)

Emotions: Happy!

5 Month Hump

Tomorrow, I will be 22 weeks.  This past Monday, we had our "big" 5 month ultrasound.  (Good news - it's still a girl!)  The ultrasound tech took lots of measurements and everything looks normal.  (She said baby girl is "chunky"- a little heavier than average. Hmm.. maybe I should cut back on my chocolate intake...!) After meeting with the doctor, it turns out that that was the last ultrasound of the pregnancy.  "So the next time we see her will be in person?!"  Yep.  But this week something changed.  I suddenly felt READY for her to be here.  Here's what's weird though... nothing else has really changed.  We didn't go buy a bunch of baby stuff, or get the nursery ready or anything like that.  If she came today we would definitely NOT be ready.  Physically.  But emotionally... I am starting to really look forward to her arrival.  Not that I wasn't excited before or anything.  But it just feels... different.  I'm not scared about labor and delivery.  I'm not worried about the fact that I have no clue how to begin to take care of a baby.  But I'm ready.  Of course I hope she stays in there longer, but I can't wait to see her and hold her and snuggle her.

Here's what went down during the ultrasound!

My belly with goo on it!  So weird seeing my belly from this angle... it looks so much bigger!

A few seconds into the first video you can see her moving her hand up to her face.  The second video you can actually see her crunch up and then kick her legs straight out (she LOVES having her legs straight out in there!)  I just LOVE seeing her move all of her limbs around! (To see the videos better, it helps to actually zoom in on this whole page itself.  Hitting "full screen" will make them too blurry!)

Breastfeeding Thoughts - Part 1

***Disclaimer:  I am writing this post at 21 weeks of pregnancy.  I have no idea if I will post it now, or wait until after the baby is here.  I am 100% aware that it's hard to truly know how you're going to feel about something before you're actually in that situation, but I'm also interested to see if/how my feelings change once the baby is here (which is why I am recording this now).  I ALSO realize that my opinions might make some moms/people frustrated, possibly angry.  I ask that you please understand that each person is different and that what worked for you might not work for me.  What was a "beautiful magical experience" for you might be horrible for me (or it might not).  Please also know that I am trying to have an open mind on this subject.  Will my thoughts change once I have gone through this myself?  Maybe they will.  And I am open to that.  Or maybe they will not.  You do what's best for your family and I will do what is best for mine.  Please respect that.  Know that I am making a conscious effort to have an open mind for when the time comes.***


So lately I have been feeling a LOT of anxiety about breastfeeding.  BUT not for the same reasons most women stress out about it...

I'm not going to lie here.  Breastfeeding sounds...awful.  Pretty much everything about it sounds terrible to me.  I don't want to constantly feel like a cow.  I don't want something sucking on my nipples until the are dry, cracked and bleeding.  I want to be able to run without being in extreme pain.  I don't want to wake up each day with rock hard painful boobs.  I don't want to be the ONLY one who can feed the baby.  I don't want to breastfeed in public/in front of anyone other than my husband.  At this point, I am quite uncomfortable with the whole situation.  Do I realize that breastfeeding is natural?  Of course.  Do I feel selfish for feeling this way?  Definitely.  Do I feel like bad mom for thinking these thoughts?  You betcha.  But that doesn't change the fact that this is how I (currently) feel.

I am not a rainbows and flowers kind of girl.  I am not about the frills.  Please don't repeat to me what every damn pro-breastfeeding blog out there says about the topic.  "But it's so GREAT being the ONLY one who can provide food for your baby!"  "But you will bond so much MORE with your baby!"  "It's so MAGICAL!"  Telling me about the "magical" experience of leaky cracked nipples is not exactly going to sway me.  Will the ACTUAL experience change how I feel?  Quite possibly.  And I'm trying not to be close-minded on the subject.

But here's the thing.  I completely agree that MY breast milk is truly the best thing for the baby. And that is something that is extremely important to me.   So I have been so stressed out this last week or so trying to figure out what might work best for us, which I am fully aware could change in 1000 different ways once she is here.

Heads up grandma: personal information coming your way.  In a lot of ways, I feel exactly as I did when trying to figure out how I would handle birth control.  After I got engaged, I really struggled with finding what would work for us.  I definitely did not wait for 25 years to have sex to do so with a condom.  Plus, I don't like the idea of there being anything between my husband and I.  But I was also SUPER uncomfortable with the pill.  I hate the idea of putting fake chemicals into my body each and every day and never really having a "true" period.  The world says "Oh it's fine MILLIONS of women take it every day and it's great."  Hmm.  Well, being on my period for our honeymoon was definitely NOT an option.  (I waited almost 26 years I am NOT waiting another week damnit!)  So I broke down and got on the pill.  and I hated it.  After the wedding, I knew I couldn't take it much longer.  But I felt so alone.  I felt like I was the only one in the world not okay with taking birth control.  I work hard to eat well, be healthy, not put fake, processed, chemical garbage into my body... plus the pill made me feel awful in a lot of ways.  (I might post more about this later...)  I just felt like we were out of options.  I had prayed to God long before we were even engaged that he would guide my heart and reveal to me His will for our family planning methods.  I knew He would show me an option that would work for us... and He finally did.  I am so much happier knowing that I don't have to take the pill every day for the rest of my life.  Thank you, God for hearing our prayers and knowing the desires of our hearts.

I know that God created me to be a mom and to provide for my child.  I pray (and know) that He will reveal the best plan that will work for me, my child and our family, just as He has done in the past.  Just because the trend now is "You are a bad mom if you don't breastfeed" doesn't mean that it's true.  (Newsflash: Our grandparents' generation - NO ONE breastfed.  Did our parents turn out okay?  Yup.  Not the end of the world people.)  If you are able to breastfeed and enjoy it - wonderful.  If not - who cares?

I'm sure many people are laughing in my face right now.  Which is fine.  But please don't judge me. and certainly do not patronize me. Because I do not want to hear it.  ("Oh Honey, you just don't get it.  Well, I know better than you...listen to my advice.)  I think I have been pretty clear that that kind of attitude is not constructive here.  Am I niave?  Yup.  Am I a complete idiot?  No.  So don't speak to me like I am.  We are all entitled to our own opinions.  If you are a mom, you have been here before, whether it be with breastfeeding or one of the other million aspects of this process.  Even if you are not a mom, I guarantee that you have been in a place in your life where you have an opinion about something going into it, not really knowing how you will feel once you are on the other side.  Maybe your opinion changed in that situation.  and maybe it didn't.  99% of the reason why I wrote this post is for MYSELF.  For me to look back on.  For me to organize my own thoughts. (The other 1% is for maybe those few women out there who feel the same as I do but are afraid to say so.)  It helps having someone to talk to.  It helps not feeling alone.  I am not posting this so that others can judge, comment and come at me with the "Oh you poor thing you are just so naive" comments.  Yep.  I don't know what I'm doing.  But I also am not afraid to admit it.  So don't speak down on me for that, because it will only make things worse and more stressful.  Just because you think your opinion is the best one out there... Guess what?!  I don't have to agree :)

Well that got a little off topic really fast.  I think every pregnant lady gets frustrated with the mountains and mountains of unsolicited advice that is constantly bombarding you, so I guess I just needed to vent a little!  (And yes, when you are willing to share your thoughts and opinions with the world you definitely have to expect a LOT of that.)

At this point, I am planning on pumping for 3 months.  Half will go to baby and the other half will go into the freezer.  After those first 3 months, we will begin using the stored milk.  This will allow baby to get 6 full months of breast milk.  (This all depends on if I am actually ABLE to produce though, among other things as well.) I realize I am creating more work for myself.  But I'm also a girl who likes options.

Because I am a planner, I will sleep better at night if there IS an actual plan in place, even if down the road it goes completely out the window.  I think we all know what God does to "our" plans though.  I know He will come through with what is right for our family, not only for baby but for mom (and dad) also.

Read my update after a full year of breastfeeding HERE!

Our First Trip to the Maternity Store

When I first found out I was pregnant, I told myself that I was not going to go crazy and buy a bunch of maternity clothes.  I didn't want to spend money on something I could only wear for a few months and I have lots of loose shirts that I could make work (at least until the end).  

HOWEVER, after the Christmas-eve-nothing-fits-me-anymore fiasco, I broke down and decided it was time for a few maternity shirts (plus, I needed a dress that would actually fit me for a wedding that upcoming weekend). So I dragged Ryan along and off to Motherhood Maternity we went. Of course, what ended up happening was exactly what I was afraid of... I loved EVERYTHING!  I have always preferred empire waist clothing, (I just HATE the way natural waist clothes look on my body - and since that is what's "in" right now, that's pretty much all you can find at normal people stores.)  This was an entire store full of empire-waisted clothing!!  I seriously wish normal shopping was as easy as maternity clothes shopping.  So fun and easy!  I ended up getting several shirts and a cute and comfy dress.  TOTALLY worth it.  I am however, going to hold off on buying maternity jeans for as long as possible.  My regular jeans still fit, although I pretty much wear leggings 99% of the time anyway.  

Side note:  I will admit that I occasionally still shop at Forever21 (it's usually hit or miss though).  Judge me all you want, but I had GREAT luck finding a lot of loose clothing there for SUPER cheap!  And bonus - I can still wear those clothes after the baby comes and I won't be "that girl" still wearing maternity clothes a year later.  (I am determined not to be that girl!)  Rumor has it that Forever21 had a maternity line at some point, which I was super excited about until I found out that it no longer existed.  Apparently people go upset because they felt that this promoted teen pregnancy.  Seriously?  "OMG have you seen Forever21's maternity line?  Those clothes are so super cute I think I'm going to get pregnant so I can wear them."  Maybe there actually are people out there dumb enough to think like that... but I'm still mad at those people who got upset about maternity clothes.  At a clothing store.  A "Women's Clothing Store" according to every mall directory everywhere.  Called forever TWENTY ONE.  It's not like they were selling maternity clothes at Justice or something.  Comeon people.  

Since we are new to this whole "pregnancy" thing, there were a few things that we discovered that we were unfamiliar with/never knew existed.  Yes, we thought these things were hilarious. Here are just a few pictures of our discoveries...

In every dressing room at Motherhood Maternity, they have these belly pads available so that you can see how things will fit once you are further along.  I'm not sure I needed THIS much more of a bump on top of my own growing belly. Silly.  But very smart.  What a great idea!

She seems so happy to have a machine sucking her boobs dry while she catches up on emails and checks her facebook.  My favorite part about this: "gives you the freedom to do other things while pumping".  Like you're going to go bake some cookies, play with the dog or check the mail or something.  It looks funny and I laugh now... but I do plan on EPing (exclusively pumping) after the first week or so... (I'll go into that more later).  So this might actually come in handy.  So that I can, you know, go vacuum the stairs while I pump. (**Update:  Yes, I realize that to a lot of people this is not a strange sight.  But to anyone like ourselves who is totally new to this - this thing looks so crazy!  I will say though, that the further along in this process we get the less alien these types of things look.  Even since posting this several weeks ago, this crazy contraption looks a lot more...."normal" than it did initially.  But I still wanted to share this experience with those who have never seen anything like this before!) 

This is OFFICIALLY the first item that I purchased for the baby.  I saw it on sale at MM and just could not resist.  I love it SO much and almost start crying every time I look at it.  

Week 20

Major events: Nothing major

Size of baby: Banana (prior to 20 weeks, length of baby is crown to rump but after 20 weeks length refers from head to heel!)

Sleep: No problems falling asleep, but everything continues to wake me up.  So tired during the days...

Cravings: Anything lemon

Movement: Lots!

Belly button in or out? In

Missing: Beer

Best part of this week: At this point, every time I feel her move or kick is pretty much the highlight of my day!

Hardest part of this week: Nothing to major... minor change I have noticed this week though is an increase in lower back achiness (not pain just stiffness) after lots of activity (cleaning, bending over a lot, running, walking, etc.)

Looking forward to: Big ultrasound on Monday - can't wait to see our baby and how much she has grown!

Emotions: So happy

God is Crazy

God is so funny.  It blows my mind when he reveals little tiny pieces of his plan to us, and I just picture him smiling and chuckling when he does so.

When I found out I was pregnant, I literally laughed out loud and thought to myself how crazy God is.  How crazy GOOD he is.  To us.  And at arranging things in our lives to align perfectly.  According to His will.  He must just sit up there and laugh.  Not in an evil way… but in a wise old grandpa sort of way.  I would. 

Through this whole “finding out we’re pregnant” thing, I wanted to share with you how God has revealed himself to us (so far!)

In August, after being at my job for almost a year, I felt that the time was right for me to move on so I began to search for a new job.  After only a few weeks of searching, I got a call to come in for an interview!  It went GREAT.  Probably one of the best interviews I have ever had.  I was so excited! 

A week after the interview, I felt very strongly that I should resign from my current (at the time) position.  Quitting your job before you have something else lined up is ALWAYS scary, but I had faith that God was going to handle the situation.  He has proven this to me before, in life AND with my job status.  I knew that if I released my concerns and trusted Him fully that He would take care of me.   I turned in my letter of resignation.  My boss asked if I would be willing to stay on through the end of the month (September) and I was more than happy to help with the transition.   All the while, I was still praying over the potential of a new job and God’s will for my life. 

Well.  4 days later… Guess what?? We found out I was pregnant.  My head was filled with so much, joy, excitement, fear… it was swirling with so many thoughts.  The news would definitely take a LONG time to sink in (in many ways I feel like it still doesn’t fully seem real yet!)  I thought, “Okay, THIS is what God wants me to do now!  OBVIOUSLY.  Clear cut sign.  No questions.  That crazy God.  He is so crazy!”  Less than 24 hours later, I received a call asking if I could come in for a second interview.  What?!  I thought God was telling me to be a mom.  Now he is presenting this opportunity too?  My brain already wasn’t functioning properly… processing the fact that I was going to be in charge of a miniature human person and now I had to figure out how I was going to handle this whole “job” thing!

I took a day or so to think about it.  I just didn’t feel right continuing with the interview process without being completely honest with my potential new employer… especially if I was still 50/50 on whether I would be working or not after the baby is born.  I have always pictured myself as a stay-at-home-mom while we have kids at home, but I had never considered what my life would look like if it was a good work situation, part time, childcare on site… that would change things.  And if God was putting this opportunity in front of me SURELY that’s what is meant to be, right?!  But I had to be honest with them.  I sent an email explaining the situation and stated that unless a temporary position or some other arrangement was possible, I just wasn’t ready to make that decision yet (and that it wasn’t fair to them).  I just wasn’t sure yet.  I didn’t think I would need to seriously think about this for another year or so.  Well, turns out they still wanted me to come in to discuss the position!  At that time I thought, “Surely this is God showing me I AM supposed to take this job!” 

After the second interview, I was feeling much more apprehensive about the job.  Not the actual job but… taking the job given the circumstances.  After talking it over with Ryan that night, we decided it would be best for us (and for my potential new employer) for me to not take the position.  It didn’t really seem fair to put THEM in a tough spot.  (Plus it’s not like I could just take the job and then in 9 months decide it wasn’t going to work… people would obviously KNOW why I was quitting!) 

The next day, I got a call offering me the job.  It was SO hard turning it down, because I really liked the people and environment that I would have been working in.   But I just felt wrong accepting a job that I KNEW I would be quitting in…less than 8 months. 

YIKES.  Can you say whirlwind?  I can’t even begin to tell you how confusing this all was.  So much to think about!  But I can say that through all of this confusion and craziness, God has opened my eyes and revealed his will for my life at this time.  His timing is beyond perfect and he truly is the one in control. It must be… humorous for God to watch us run around and freak out about stuff… all the while thinking “Just wait.  You’ll see.” Probably still chuckling. 

Week 19

I really should have known ahead of time that all of these pictures would be taken late at night and on the last day of the week...and cropped my  head out of all of these pictures.  I am even scaring myself!

Major events: New years! and a new car :)

Size of baby: Pomegranate

Sleep: Still not great, but I can sleep for 5 hours at a time now!  I still feel like garbage when I wake up  though because even when I do sleep it's not "good" sleep.

Cravings: Ice cream, fruit

Movement: LOTS of movement.  Every day! I can now see the kicks too.

Belly button in or out? In, but still opening.  I'm not sure how this thing is gonna pan out... I have had 2 laparoscopic procedures in the past where doctors went in through my belly button.  This means scar tissue on top of scar tissue directly beneath my belly button.

Missing: Sleeping and breathing at the same time

Best part of this week: Feeling AND seeing the baby move, and Ryan being able to feel her more too

Hardest part of this week: Ryan going back to work after almost 2 weeks off :( and feeling overwhelmed when trying to figure out what type/brand/etc. of things that we need buy for baby!

Looking forward to: More baby kicks

Emotions: Never been happier! but I do get sad that my exhaustion prevents me from doing more.