Warning: If you are a brand new mom I suggest that you stop reading this now because it will make you want to scream, cry, freak out and roll on the ground and throw a toddler-style tantrum. Why you ask? (Yes, I know you will continue reading because I know you, new mom.) Breastfeeding sucks. Yeah, it sucks hardcore. It sucks for a LONG time before it gets easier. A long time meaning months. Months doesn't sound like that long of a time... except when you're talking about pure torture every 2.5 - 3 hours, with something pulling, sucking, gnawing on your poor, tender, cracked, bleeding, painful nipples. UGH. Maybe if it were once a day it would be more bearable. But it's not. If someone had told me 1 month into it "Just hang on for a few more months, then it will get easier!" I would have smacked them. Sorry new mamas.
And here's the thing. Breastfeeding wasn't even that difficult for me. Heidi had no latching issues, her "lip tie" (which I'm still not totally convinced is a real thing, but if it is I'm certain she has that based on appearance) didn't affect us in any way, and my only issues with supply was that I was producing WAY too much (which was such a blessing AND a curse.) My only struggles with breastfeeding were no one's but my own. Heidi knew what to do and was doing it perfectly. Breastfeeding was painful - because it's SUPPOSED to be. It's GOING to be. Regardless of how perfect everything is. Because it's new and no matter what kind of stuff you're into, I guarantee you that you have never experienced something sucking your nipples dry THAT many hours per day. My issues with breastfeeding (after Heidi was born) was just that it hurt. And my boobs hurt. And I was leaking ALL over the place constantly. SOAKING maxi pads. I was constantly a wet, sticky, smelly, disgusting mess. Waking up in PUDDLES. Bra, shirt, sheets, soaked. There are SO many different kinds of issues and difficulties that come with breastfeeding, it can be hard to find women who have never had one single issue or difficulty or struggle with it at all. I would say most women that I know have had some sort of problem at one time or another with breastfeeding. Which, when you're already at your wit's end, can be enough to push you over the edge and give up all together.
I am convinced that the only way that you can make breastfeeding work is if you are 110% determined. Much like a natural birth - if you go into it like "oh, let's see how this goes we will decide in the moment how to move forward" GUARANTEED you will not have a natural birth. Because it's hard. WAY harder than a non natural birth. (Not saying non-natural is not also extremely difficult, though I don't have any personal experience with this myself.) But it's too easy to give in if you aren't determined. (Even if you are determined you will still have moments where you want to give in to the drugs to take away the pain!) Similarly, breastfeeding also takes total determination and a decision that you have to make and stick to. You must give yourself no choice but to move forward with it no matter what. Quitting is not an option. Sounds kind of terrible doesn't it? It can be. But I promise it's worth it. For months, I had major breakdowns and would get physically ANGRY, saying to myself "There are women who CHOOSE to do this for YEARS!!! HOW?!?! What is wrong with them!? This is the worst thing ever!" As much as I HATED it for the first several months, I knew that was the only thing I truly wanted. No other options. This was it. So I started setting small goals for myself. "Just make it to 6 weeks." "Okay a few more weeks." "Okay, just make it to 3 months....6 months..." I would say that I had FINALLY found my groove BY 6 months at the latest, and it was then that I knew for sure I was going to make it to a year. By 6 months, I was starting to feel way more comfortable with the idea, was used to the routine and all of the other aspects that came with it. I wouldn't say I ever super duper LOVED it, but I enjoyed our times together. Nursing in the backseat of the car after shopping together, or hanging out in the Nordstroms bathroom/lounge area with 5 other breastfeeding moms... it was also the perfect built in alone time for those times when my baby was constantly being held by friends/family... The perfect excuse to get her back and hold her and spend time with her. The convenience of it is insane (no packing anything related to food/bottles/etc. just bring your boobs!) and IT IS FREE. We never spent a dime on food/formula for Heidi during her first year of life. How awesome is that?? I can't believe more people don't breastfeed for this reason alone!
So my personal plan was to go into breastfeeding as a new mom with minimal knowledge about it, and to not over prepare. I never took a breastfeeding class. I didn't spend hours researching methods, positions, issues, etc. online. I didn't meet in advance with a lactation consultant. I simply spent 10-15 minutes watching youtube videos of a few different breastfeeding positions, googled "Breastfeeding 101" and read a few articles about the basics and that was it. Heidi popped out and knew what to do (although, over time she did improve and became more and more efficient!) I really felt like SHE taught ME! My minimal preparation method worked perfectly for us and though, we still had our own share of difficulty I never allowed myself to get overly stressed, or over think it... before OR after she was here! During pregnancy, I also thought I would spend 3 months pumping, and only breastfeed until Heidi was 3 months, then give her the frozen milk from 3-6 months. As nice as it was to have some breastmilk stashed in the freezer for backup (or for date nights away from baby!) I did not have enough stashed to stop breastfeeding without having to switch over to formula. Pumping is weird and not the worst thing in the world, but it is much more inconvenient than just pulling your shirt down for baby. It takes additional time. Time that is often hard to find with a newborn (especially when you don't HAVE to pump). I was pumping at least twice a day, but it does get old (and many women pump MUCH more than that! Mad props to you!) By 3 months, I knew I could make it to 6 months, and by 6 months I knew I could make it to a full year. So that plan quickly went out the window and I was totally okay with consciously making that decision.
This post is mostly just rambling, stream of consciousness, but I hope by witnessing this journey your eyes are opened to the difficulty, hardships, beauty and (dare I say) wonderfulness that it breastfeeding. If you are on the fence about it... THAT'S OKAY. If you're determined... just power through. It WILL get easier. Power through. Power through the tears. Through the discomfort. Through the pain. And if you truly truly just can't handle it, that's okay too. But if it's something that you truly TRULY have the desire to do, you have to hang in there. I know it's easy for me to say that now that I am on the other side, but I have been there. And I can guarantee you that IT. IS. WORTH IT. 100,000%. Many many days it will feel like you just can't do it. But you can. I know you can, mama. Just hang in there a little bit longer. A few more days. (DAYS?!?! I know you're thinking.) Weeks. (WEEKS?!?!) Yes. One day at a time is all it takes. You can do it.
And here's the thing. Breastfeeding wasn't even that difficult for me. Heidi had no latching issues, her "lip tie" (which I'm still not totally convinced is a real thing, but if it is I'm certain she has that based on appearance) didn't affect us in any way, and my only issues with supply was that I was producing WAY too much (which was such a blessing AND a curse.) My only struggles with breastfeeding were no one's but my own. Heidi knew what to do and was doing it perfectly. Breastfeeding was painful - because it's SUPPOSED to be. It's GOING to be. Regardless of how perfect everything is. Because it's new and no matter what kind of stuff you're into, I guarantee you that you have never experienced something sucking your nipples dry THAT many hours per day. My issues with breastfeeding (after Heidi was born) was just that it hurt. And my boobs hurt. And I was leaking ALL over the place constantly. SOAKING maxi pads. I was constantly a wet, sticky, smelly, disgusting mess. Waking up in PUDDLES. Bra, shirt, sheets, soaked. There are SO many different kinds of issues and difficulties that come with breastfeeding, it can be hard to find women who have never had one single issue or difficulty or struggle with it at all. I would say most women that I know have had some sort of problem at one time or another with breastfeeding. Which, when you're already at your wit's end, can be enough to push you over the edge and give up all together.
I am convinced that the only way that you can make breastfeeding work is if you are 110% determined. Much like a natural birth - if you go into it like "oh, let's see how this goes we will decide in the moment how to move forward" GUARANTEED you will not have a natural birth. Because it's hard. WAY harder than a non natural birth. (Not saying non-natural is not also extremely difficult, though I don't have any personal experience with this myself.) But it's too easy to give in if you aren't determined. (Even if you are determined you will still have moments where you want to give in to the drugs to take away the pain!) Similarly, breastfeeding also takes total determination and a decision that you have to make and stick to. You must give yourself no choice but to move forward with it no matter what. Quitting is not an option. Sounds kind of terrible doesn't it? It can be. But I promise it's worth it. For months, I had major breakdowns and would get physically ANGRY, saying to myself "There are women who CHOOSE to do this for YEARS!!! HOW?!?! What is wrong with them!? This is the worst thing ever!" As much as I HATED it for the first several months, I knew that was the only thing I truly wanted. No other options. This was it. So I started setting small goals for myself. "Just make it to 6 weeks." "Okay a few more weeks." "Okay, just make it to 3 months....6 months..." I would say that I had FINALLY found my groove BY 6 months at the latest, and it was then that I knew for sure I was going to make it to a year. By 6 months, I was starting to feel way more comfortable with the idea, was used to the routine and all of the other aspects that came with it. I wouldn't say I ever super duper LOVED it, but I enjoyed our times together. Nursing in the backseat of the car after shopping together, or hanging out in the Nordstroms bathroom/lounge area with 5 other breastfeeding moms... it was also the perfect built in alone time for those times when my baby was constantly being held by friends/family... The perfect excuse to get her back and hold her and spend time with her. The convenience of it is insane (no packing anything related to food/bottles/etc. just bring your boobs!) and IT IS FREE. We never spent a dime on food/formula for Heidi during her first year of life. How awesome is that?? I can't believe more people don't breastfeed for this reason alone!
So my personal plan was to go into breastfeeding as a new mom with minimal knowledge about it, and to not over prepare. I never took a breastfeeding class. I didn't spend hours researching methods, positions, issues, etc. online. I didn't meet in advance with a lactation consultant. I simply spent 10-15 minutes watching youtube videos of a few different breastfeeding positions, googled "Breastfeeding 101" and read a few articles about the basics and that was it. Heidi popped out and knew what to do (although, over time she did improve and became more and more efficient!) I really felt like SHE taught ME! My minimal preparation method worked perfectly for us and though, we still had our own share of difficulty I never allowed myself to get overly stressed, or over think it... before OR after she was here! During pregnancy, I also thought I would spend 3 months pumping, and only breastfeed until Heidi was 3 months, then give her the frozen milk from 3-6 months. As nice as it was to have some breastmilk stashed in the freezer for backup (or for date nights away from baby!) I did not have enough stashed to stop breastfeeding without having to switch over to formula. Pumping is weird and not the worst thing in the world, but it is much more inconvenient than just pulling your shirt down for baby. It takes additional time. Time that is often hard to find with a newborn (especially when you don't HAVE to pump). I was pumping at least twice a day, but it does get old (and many women pump MUCH more than that! Mad props to you!) By 3 months, I knew I could make it to 6 months, and by 6 months I knew I could make it to a full year. So that plan quickly went out the window and I was totally okay with consciously making that decision.
This post is mostly just rambling, stream of consciousness, but I hope by witnessing this journey your eyes are opened to the difficulty, hardships, beauty and (dare I say) wonderfulness that it breastfeeding. If you are on the fence about it... THAT'S OKAY. If you're determined... just power through. It WILL get easier. Power through. Power through the tears. Through the discomfort. Through the pain. And if you truly truly just can't handle it, that's okay too. But if it's something that you truly TRULY have the desire to do, you have to hang in there. I know it's easy for me to say that now that I am on the other side, but I have been there. And I can guarantee you that IT. IS. WORTH IT. 100,000%. Many many days it will feel like you just can't do it. But you can. I know you can, mama. Just hang in there a little bit longer. A few more days. (DAYS?!?! I know you're thinking.) Weeks. (WEEKS?!?!) Yes. One day at a time is all it takes. You can do it.
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