Fear

Sarah McKenzie Photography

Can I be super honest with you? I was going to post a blog this morning about what I’ve been doing differently to prepare myself for birth this time around, but it didn’t feel right today so I’m saving it for another day. Because you know what? Lately there’s been a lot of fear in my heart. Like, I’m absolutely terrified. More afraid than ever. Right around this time in pregnancy (so, the end) it’s very typical for fear and doubt to sneak in. It happens to me every time. Fear of birth. Fear of unmedicated birth. Fear of pain. Fear of not being ready. Not being able to do it. But also fear of something being wrong now or going wrong later. Is my baby okay in there? Is something off? Will my baby make it out okay? Will I survive all of this? Which paths involve the least amount of fear? Sign me up for that, I don’t care if it feels right or not.

But this time the fear has been SO much more intense than ever before. I’m not sure if that’s because of my last birth experience or if it’s just because. But as I was completely spiraling this morning (for a several reasons) I felt the Lord speaking to my heart - saying “Trust Me”. It sounds simple enough. (Spoiler alert: It’s not.) But I keep coming back to that. Because that IS “all” I have to do. Just sit back and trust in Him and His plan. Whether things look like what I envision or not, that His plan is the “right” one. “Trust. ME.” So today I’m focusing on releasing the fear. Because that’s how the enemy robs us of SO much joy and amazing experiences.

He has always provided. He has never abandoned me. Or you. Nor will He ever. Grateful that this is the God that I get to serve.