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| (There really was no reasoning behind me choosing these two photos other than convenience!) |
I definitely don't take these kinds of things super seriously and I think it's fun to see how people (myself included) have changed! But this little "challenge" got me thinking: I don't ever want to look at my own physical aging as a negative thing. This isn't the first time I've written about this, but lately I have been feeling extra grateful to have made it long enough on this earth to even HAVE wrinkles/lines/age spots/"imperfections" whatEVER you want to call it. That in and of itself is such a blessing. There are people that I have known that aren't so lucky. People that I wish were still here to gain another line on their forehead or wrinkle on their neck.
But also - I EARNED every single one of those "imperfections" on my face, and I refuse to ever try to erase, cover up, hide or change those. Finding joy in my age/aging is something that is a priority for my own health/happiness but also for my kids. It's JUST as important to me that they grow up seeing a mom who embraces her face/body for what it is and what God created it to be. What the world might see as "imperfections" to me are the physical results of the things that have made me who I am today.
When I see the tiny creases starting there on my forehead or a little laugh line starting to form, I think back to all of the AMAZING beach trips I took with my friends (and didn't wear sunscreen - oops!), laughing non-stop with a friend over a cup of coffee or glass of wine, or my face ugly crying and holding on tight to a friend going through something difficult. One day I'll have grey hair from worrying about my babies and my husband and my friends. My boobs certainly aren't what they used to be (ARE ANYONES?!) but I GOT to grow and birth and FEED 3 babies with this body and those boobs. And I don't want to erase that. Not that erasing the wrinkles or changing my body would erase the memories or undo what has been done, but when I'm (hopefully) 90 years old - I want to LOOK like I have really lived 90 years...lived them SO FULL of life. (And honestly, when I'm 60 or even 50 or 40 years old I'm 1,000% sure I will look back to photos of myself from now and think "MAN I thought I started looking older THEN?!")
This actually isn't the first time that I have thought about my own "aging" actually. Here is an excerpt from a previous blog post I wrote 2 years ago that digs a little deeper into to how I still feel now, and what has led me to this place:
"I was recently at a church event with a group of women where the conversation essentially led to "what kind of plastic surgery do you want/what part(s) of you body are you unhappy with". Those weren't the ACTUAL initial questions but the conversation had basically turned into that. So many women - ALL of the women - were talking about Botox and wrinkles and boob jobs. It just blew my mind how each and every one of these women were insecure/unhappy with the way they looked or hated at least something about their body. Some of the girls even said that after they undress to get in the shower they shield their eyes from the mirror as they walk by so they don't have to see their own bodies. My heart absolutely and completely broke in two for these women. I also can't tell you how strange it felt to literally be the only one at the table who didn't (doesn't) have a desire to change anything about my body, my face, the way I look or how God created me. But it definitely got me thinking. WHY do I feel this way? Why DON'T I want perkier boobs or plumper lips or a smooth forehead? Part of it might be that I do work hard (and God has blessed me with a lot that allows me to do so - a healthy body, a double stroller to take the kids on runs and a husband who watches the kids so I can go on a long run by myself). I also have gotten to a point where I never want to fight the aging process. My time/energy/emotions are better spent elsewhere and I think I will be much happier if I just accept that I'm going to get wrinkles and grey hair. It's going to happen. I've accepted it and I'm okay with it. I don't know how to tell anyone else to get to that place but I promise if you can get there you'll never regret it.
BUT. I think the absolute BIGGEST reason that I do not share those same thoughts is because of my mom. My whole life I have NEVER not once heard my mom complain about her body. As a child or adult, my mom has never complained - at least to me - about any insecurities that she may (or may not) have about her body or the way she looks. She's never talked about boob jobs, or having a flatter tummy or her wrinkles. This realization has been so eye-opening to me as a woman and also mother to my own daughter. Even if I start to get saggy grandma "bingo arms" that jiggle when I wave, or my midsection is soft and fluffier than I'd like or my boobs look like some flat-ass pancakes or WHATEVER it is - I NEVER want to let my daughters OR sons hear me complain about that. I want all of my children to see a mom who is confident and happy with the way she looks - however that might be. A mama who has love and respect and appreciation for all of the MANY things my body has done and is doing for me and for this world." (You can read this entire post from 2017 here.)
My goal is never to make others feel guilty for the way they feel or the choices they make. But since a lot of my personal beliefs/thoughts/decisions go against (what I feel is) the norm, I feel like a lot of times I need this outlet. I want to put it out there in case someone else out there feels like they are the only one. Please don't take my own thoughts personally - I'm just sharing what I feel is right for my own body/life. You are, of course, entitled to the same.
I make a point to not complain about my body when I'm around other women and/or my children (at least I TRY not to). It's not about faking acceptance, or pretending I don't feel insecure sometimes, but it's about ACTUALLY not having anything to complain about! It's about working towards that when I do have those off days. When I do have those days where I'm feeling insecure about something or unhappy with my body (I have been there before for sure) I talk with my husband or a close friend about it and work through my feelings. I have never dyed my hair or used an anti-wrinkle cream and I have no intentions of starting anytime soon. I hope I live long enough to look 90. Hopefully I will actually BE 90 when that happens but if not, I'm also okay with it. Bring on the grey hair, crow's feet, saggy boobs, jiggly neck, vein-y hands and creased-up forehead - I'm ready for ya!! I'm 32 years old and HAPPY to look it. I hope when I'm 40, 50, 60+ I feel the same way.
"I am the only one who can give my children a happy mother who loves life." - Janene Wolsey Baadsgard
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