It's A . . . !! (Gender Reveal - And How Do We Feel About It?!)

After we found out the gender of baby #2, we took Heidi out to an area near our house to take a few pictures. They actually turned out pretty good for just being iPhone pics ;).

ITS A BOY!!!! We are definitely excited to be welcoming a baby boy into our lives. But I have to say - I was not exactly expecting this! Not because I had some big mommy instinct telling me I was going to have another girl, but just because having a little sister is the only thing that I know! I just expected Heidi to have the same. Ryan is also not one of those guys who is all "I have to have a son!" so we were both in the mode where we were almost assuming (dare I say hoping?!) it was another girl because that's what we are already familiar with. I'll be totally honest here - I am slightly terrified at the thought of having a boy. "Oh, but they are so much easier" they will all say... But I have zero brothers, zero boy cousins... NO experience with little boys whatsoever. I am pretty put off by the thought of tiny weiners, all of those baby erections and all that junk flying around all the time. That all sounds extremely disturbing to me. I'm sure once he is here all of that will be no big deal... but until then I will stress out all I want! Heidi has also been an extremely easy baby and although she is quite the maniac, she does not have the destructive, rambunctious, out of control wild tendencies that little boys have. How am I going to handle being a boy mom?? I have absolutely loved being a girl mom more than anything!!

I knew that we would have a son at some point in our lives, I just wasn't sure when that would be... and this does seem sooner than expected (or at least sooner than I expected). I am not sad at the fact of having a boy, but I am sad that Heidi will not have that closeness with her (potential) future sister(s) that I have with mine. I LOVE being so close in age with my sister and now I fear that Heidi will not know what that's like. I'm sure she will love her little brother and I hope that they are close friends for life. But brother/sister relationships are not the same as same gender sibling relationships. Sure there is less competition, less arguing over sharing barbies and (maybe) less dramatic fighting during those high school years... I just hope that when the time does come for Heidi to have a sister that they aren't so far apart in age where they can't share things. Share phases of life, similar life experiences, share friends, BE good friends...best friends...and not just siblings.

I did however grow up on a street FULL of boys. I grew up playing tackle football in the front yard, street hockey in the street and always being a sweaty little girl with no shoes on...I loved collecting bugs, lizards, frogs, etc...I'm not afraid of snakes, rodents or insects (unless it's a roach. Gross!) Guns, swords and other weapons, power rangers and the like were all a big part of my childhood. In elementary school Santa even brought me a set of toy cars with racetrack included.  As much as I love the girly things in life now, since probably the age of about 6, I was always extremely proud that I was not a girly girl. I think I was the son my father never had. So perhaps, Heidi having a bother will help her to develop into a girl who doesn't mind getting dirty. A little girl who is excited to go outside and collect all of the snails that she possibly can, who is not afraid to hold that boa constrictor on her shoulders or who enjoys playing boy video games. It makes me happy thinking about Heidi playing with her brother and all of his friends.

I am 150% certain that once he is here, everything will feel so perfect. Until then, it IS difficult thinking about what it will be like to change things up (gender-wise) completely! (No more cute little baby girl dresses, sparkly shoes or adorable headbands :( !!) As soon as he is here, all of those fears, anxieties and uncertainties will melt away and I can't wait to see how our family dynamic changes and grows into a family of 4.

2nd Trimester Baby #2 - Weeks 14, 15 and 16

So I have been super slacking on the pregnancy updates lately. Why is this? Well, on top of being super busy ALWAYS... this pregnancy has been... insanely uneventful. I thought my first pregnancy was as easy as it got... well somehow this one has been even easier and thus way less "exciting". As I have said before though...this is not something I am complaining about ;).

Major events: KHS homecoming; Beau's 2nd Birthday Party; Our 3rd Wedding Anniversary!

Size of baby: Lemon

Sleep: Bad. So tired...I just still can't believe that I'm already up 1-3 times per night to pee. Gah!!

Cravings: None

Aversions: None

Movement: Since I started feeling Heidi move right around 14 weeks, I have been trying to pay EXTRA attention this last week to see if I can feel baby moving...There have been a few moments prior where I thought MAYBE... but those moments usually aren't validated until you get that first real JAB. And that came on the night of our 3 year anniversary! So exciting! We were just sitting on the couch and I felt a tiny "flick" from the inside and I was positive that at that time it was baby. 

Belly button in or out? In!

Weight gain: 5ish lbs. 

Missing: Sleep. And white wine sometimes. Also, cold deli meat sandwiches! Listeria is commonly found in deli meat (among other things) and pregnant ladies aren't supposed to consume deli meat unless it is heated to "steaming"... most normal healthy people can fight listeria off no problem (and maybe not even know it) but during pregnancy, the immune system is somewhat compromised and listeria can be deadly to the fetus. Sometimes I just risk it and give in to the temptation, but when I actually sit and think about what the potential risk is... it's just not worth it.

Hardest part of this week: At my 12 week appointment, my doctor told me that I am a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis. (For some reason, this was not something that we tested for during my first pregnancy.) I have been so overwhelmed, stressed out and consumed by this news. Ryan went in to get some bloodwork done so that we can determine whether he is also a carrier. (1 out of every 25 caucasians is a carrier for CF. If BOTH parents are carriers than each pregnancy has a 1 in 4 chance of resulting in a child who HAS CF.) It was so scary to hear my doctor say words like "genetic counseling" and "amniocentesis"... I just wasn't expecting any surprises (at least of this sort) after already having one baby. I told myself I wouldn't do any research, or google searches or anything like that until we knew the results of Ryan's tests and what our chances of having a child with this disease were. We turned to our church small group and asked for prayer and I also asked the ladies in my bible study and friends in our church play group to pray for us. This kind of leads me to the best part of my week...

Best part of this week: After our "people" started praying for us, I felt this wave of relief come over me. It truly was a weight lifted off of my shoulders and I no longer felt like I was trapped in this swarm of "what if" stress. I started sleeping again (well, as well as I could anyway!) and no longer was just laying in bed at night thinking about all of the possibile outcomes, how this would affect our future family planning, etc. I have NEVER felt prayer in this particular way before. God gave me this strength and faith that I didn't know I had and I trusted Him fully with the situation. That feeling of submission, release and TRUE PEACE was like nothing I had experienced directly and so immediately before. Anyway, we finally found out this week that Ryan is NOT a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis - this was an incredible incredible relief. I am SO grateful to all who were praying for us and that God heard our prayers! I am not usually one to ask for prayer, or volunteer some random struggle or issue that I am dealing with during "prayer request" times, but I do think that God was using this experience to teach me the importance of prayer - not only praying ourselves, but having others pray FOR us. 

Looking forward to: Finding out the gender! (Although, I do feel less impatient about it this go-round. I'm pumped, but I'm not feeling desperately anxious.) 

Emotions: Luckily, I feel like the negative emotions (aka extreme moodiness/anger/frustration) have subsided. I feel much more like my normal self, although I do remember being much more weepy in my second trimester with Heidi... so I am bracing myself for that!

Major events: Birth Without Fear Conference!

Size of baby: Apple

Sleep: Still not great... but I am noticing a slight increase in energy. It was difficult for me during the first trimester to determine whether I was just tired from being a person/mom or if it was actually the pregnancy that was contributing most to that... I can now say definitely that MOST of that had to do with being pregnant - which is good news! Glad to feel less exhausted now...

Cravings: None

Aversions: None! 

Movement: Meh... a few little pops here and there, but at this point I pretty much have to be sitting/laying very still in a quiet room in order for there to be a chance to feel anything... and even then it's no guarantee! It's strange going through this now after having already gone through it once. I forget that things aren't immediately like they are in the end, if that makes sense. My memories of being pregnant are mostly of what it is like to be pregnant in the end - so super roly poly, baby constantly moving and squirming and taking up 90% of your torso, not being able to bend in the middle... all of that. I forget that pretty much the first half of pregnancy isn't really THAT different than not being pregnant (at least for my 2 pregnancies so far)!

Belly button in or out? In!

Weight gain: 5 lbs.

Missing: Not much...

Best part of this week: Getting to spend a whole day talking and learning about pregnancy, birth, babies, motherhood and how to support each other at the BWF conference meet up! And also getting to spend time with sweet friends - coffee dates and going to the Woodlands Children's Museum!

Hardest part of this week: Nothing specific

Looking forward to: SUPER looking forward to our gender ultrasound day - not only because we will find out the gender but because Ryan is staying home from work and we are planning a really nice day together! We get to drop Heidi off at MDO together, go to brunch, go to our Dr. appt., pick Heidi up together... etc! I'm really excited to spend the day together!

Emotions: Excitement!

Major events: Gender ultrasound; Baylor football game vs. WVU

Size of baby: Avocado

Sleep: Meh. 

Cravings: None

Aversions: Fish (specifically Salmon, but also shrimp... since that's what we usually eat when we are eating seafood)... mostly just the smell at this point... Anything that smells kind of fishy is magnified times 1,000... and to me it just smells like dirty rotting fish that has been sitting in a plastic bag in the sun for 3 weeks. It's too strong yuck! But I will still eat it after it's cooked...

Movement: Yes! Not regularly yet but... definitely some movement...

Belly button in or out? In woo woo!

Weight gain: 5-7 lbs.

Missing: Nothing I suppose...

Best part of this week: Gender ultrasound - Woo Woo! (Click HERE for the results!!!!) and getting to spend some time meeting other "young couples" at a dinner hosted by the pastor of a church we have been attending!

Hardest part of this week: This was a great week!

Looking forward to: Naming our baby! Ryan is a classic over thinker so he refuses to commit until a zillion hours of consideration have been put into this... I guess we still have a few months to decide... but I want baby to have a name NOW!

Emotions: Feeling happy! Pregnancy is totally my jam and I am so excited to do it again!