Our Story: Week 30

Major events: Heidi at VBS, dr. appt. pool night in sugarland with my aunt and cousin, and went on a run! (Also, mowed the lawn - which I feel like is an accomplishment haha!)

Size of baby: A head of cabbage

Sleep: Not fabulous, but could definitely be worse! Started this week off recovering from coordinating wedding, so definitely feeling VERY exhausted at the beginning of this week

Cravings: Frozen yogurt

Aversions: None (although, fish/salmon never really sounds that great when I'm pregnant)

Movement: Yes! While I still feel like having an anterior placenta has continued to make things feel much different, I have been able to feel her much more lately. Dr. confirmed that at my appointment she is head down, assuring me that I have been feeling her feet kicking my right side/ribs - the same way that Heidi used to although not quite so strongly. I also think that this week she moved down some. I suddenly am MUCH more hungry and now feel a lot more pressure on my bladder than I have up until this point. Officially reached the point in pregnancy where I frequently feel the urge to pee when I don't really have to go and can feel when she rams her head into my bladder. Lots of hiccups this week and Ryan has been able to feel them many times - yay!

Belly button in or out? In-ish. This is definitely the strangest my belly button has ever looked during a pregnancy! Usually it just gets really strange and flat, but this time part of it is popping out.

Weight gain: Somewhere between 20-25 lbs.

Missing: Hmmm nothing comes to mind

Best part of this week: As suggested by my therapist, I have started to try to be more intentional about connecting with this baby and this pregnancy. I found a pregnancy meditation on spotify that I LOVE and have really enjoyed starting to connect. Ryan has also listened to some with me which is super special and he really enjoys it as well. Definitely the best part of this week...that and deciding to do weekly updates again (which is almost entirely just for myself and to help with feeling more connected with this pregnancy). Also, our doula from Wells' birth is hosting a 6 week long yoga series that concludes each session with a mamas circle/time to share and connect with other pregnant women. Hearing about this (and deciding to participate) has brought me SO much hope and I am so excited for this.

Hardest part of this week: These last few weeks/months have been like nothing I have ever been through before and honestly I have days where I feel like I just can't go on. I thought things would get easier after we got through the big events/commitments last week, but somehow they got even harder (didn't think that was possible). Ryan caught the same stomach bug that Wells had, which means lots of throwing up and sleeping. I started the week off on single mom duty, and really continued to feel SO exhausted, overwhelmed and lonely - and now more lonely than ever with Ryan down for the count. Monday night, after I had fed Heidi and Wells, given them a bath (which by the way is pretty much impossible to do when pregnant - it's SO painful) and doing dishes, I took a shower. I literally just sat down in the shower and cried my eyes out for 30 minutes, just out of feeling so hopeless and torn down to nothing. I will post more about this whole emotional journey later, but this week still doesn't seem like things are getting any easier yet.

Looking forward to: A good friend who is also pregnant is coming into town next week and I can't WAIT to spend time with her! I've really missed being around other pregnant women this time around. Also I am SO looking forward to the yoga series I mentioned above. It starts in a few weeks and I can't WAIT!!

Emotions: These last couple of months have been the hardest of my life (more on this later) and this week I started off by feeling more isolated and alone than I have ever felt. However, towards the end of this week I started feeling a little bit more like myself and starting to feel semi-functional again. I was able to get a few basic chores done and made a little to do list for the first time in several months.

Signs of labor/other: SOOO many braxton hicks!! It has seriously been unreal how many I have and can feel - all times of the day usually when I'm laying down (but sometimes I can feel them when I'm up and moving around). To me, braxton hicks feel like my bladder has suddenly turned into cement and my lower belly gets SO hard. It's not comfortable (although not "painful" per say) and the pressure also definitely increases my urge to pee. Once it's passed, then usually I don't feel like I have to pee. Again - definitely not comfortable at all though and much more than "just tightening". Definitely starting to prefer wearing skirts over shorts - wearing anything with a waistband and/or crotch is not my top priority!