I think it all started with my weekly dr. appt. (the day before week 39 began). I just got this weird vibe from my doctor... which I am SURE was completely and 100% fabricated in my mind... but still... I feel this weird pressure to get this baby out before he decides to come. My doctor didn't even mention the word "induction" nor did she even really hint at that being a possibility at this point... but I just got a weird feeling about it... (I should also note that everything at this point still looks to be right on track and both mom and baby are healthy!)
An induction is just not something that I want for my body or my babies (unless there is a true medical reason for that to occur.) Ryan has several co-workers who are due (or whose wives are due) right around the same time as me. So each day (feels like every day) that he comes home and tells me about yet another one who has scheduled an induction "just because" makes me feel strangely pressured. (At this point, pretty much every one of those people already has an induction scheduled... some for before their actual due date! As suggested by their doctor! It blows my mind that doctors are not only okay with this but actually encouraging women to schedule inductions when they are not necessary AND because it fits their personal vacation schedules. Sometimes I just don't understand modern medicine...)
What's wrong with letting a woman's body do what it is designed to do? Why is that last week (or even extra week??) less valuable than any other week of pregnancy? I DO realize that there are some situations where it is actually very important to get baby out as soon as possible - and those situations are life saving! But I am just feeling so much pressure from... society? our culture? I'm not even sure from where... that this baby needs to be coaxed out of there (or even forced) if he takes "too long". Statistically, risks increase after a certain point, yes. But I don't want to base my decision off of statistics. I want to base if off of MY body. If my blood pressure is good, my fluid levels are good, my urine tests are good... if everything looks good and baby is healthy then I want him to stay in there as long as he needs. A few extra days of fat-layering or lung development or... whatever it may be... he's staying in there for a reason right?? I have been fearful that I am headed down a path where I will be forced into something "just because". (An emergency type situation or if there was an actual "issue" would be a completely different scenario. I would never make an unsafe decision just for the sake of sticking to my plan of a natural birth.) I have been allowing fear to take over and can't quite figure out how to push it out.
Please don't take this as me saying ALL inductions are bad. I know they are not. But for me personally - that is the last thing I want - unless it HAS to happen. I believe God and baby should be in control of that for me. I also strive to have natural births - something pitocin does not allow to happen easily. From what I have heard, induced labors affect the body so intensely that pain medication is almost inevitable. So for someone who wants ALL things to happen naturally.... pitocin doesn't sound like that beginning of that path that ends in a natural, drug-free delivery. (A lot of motivation for induction is estimated size of baby - but if my mom can deliver a 10+ lb. baby naturally then so can I! A weight guess is not enough by itself to convince me to induce - because I know that's probably what you were thinking ;)!)
What's wrong with letting a woman's body do what it is designed to do? Why is that last week (or even extra week??) less valuable than any other week of pregnancy? I DO realize that there are some situations where it is actually very important to get baby out as soon as possible - and those situations are life saving! But I am just feeling so much pressure from... society? our culture? I'm not even sure from where... that this baby needs to be coaxed out of there (or even forced) if he takes "too long". Statistically, risks increase after a certain point, yes. But I don't want to base my decision off of statistics. I want to base if off of MY body. If my blood pressure is good, my fluid levels are good, my urine tests are good... if everything looks good and baby is healthy then I want him to stay in there as long as he needs. A few extra days of fat-layering or lung development or... whatever it may be... he's staying in there for a reason right?? I have been fearful that I am headed down a path where I will be forced into something "just because". (An emergency type situation or if there was an actual "issue" would be a completely different scenario. I would never make an unsafe decision just for the sake of sticking to my plan of a natural birth.) I have been allowing fear to take over and can't quite figure out how to push it out.
Please don't take this as me saying ALL inductions are bad. I know they are not. But for me personally - that is the last thing I want - unless it HAS to happen. I believe God and baby should be in control of that for me. I also strive to have natural births - something pitocin does not allow to happen easily. From what I have heard, induced labors affect the body so intensely that pain medication is almost inevitable. So for someone who wants ALL things to happen naturally.... pitocin doesn't sound like that beginning of that path that ends in a natural, drug-free delivery. (A lot of motivation for induction is estimated size of baby - but if my mom can deliver a 10+ lb. baby naturally then so can I! A weight guess is not enough by itself to convince me to induce - because I know that's probably what you were thinking ;)!)
So this pressure I'm feeling... it's been affecting me in every way. My insides feel like an old rubber band that's being stretched and relaxed, stretched and relaxed...about to snap in half and fling across the room. I feel SO torn - because I want HIM to choose when he comes... but I'm worried that I won't be able to handle the stress and pressure that would come with it IF my due date comes and goes. Not because I would be stressed about baby or his health - but because I would be stressed about dealing with all of the external pressure to "get him out of there". I LOVE being pregnant and if he doesn't want to come until 10 days past my due date then so be it. I trust God to take control of that situation. But now I feel like I shouldn't be wishing baby to take his time so that I won't have to deal with having a "late" baby (a term I don't really even agree with using...) I think that because I am SO fearful of being forced into an unnecessary induction I have really gotten into my own head about it. Why should I even be afraid of that when my due date is still a week away? or 5 days away? or 2 days away? Why are people even asking me about an induction when my due date has not even come and gone yet?? Isn't a due date just an estimation anyway?
The other thing that makes all of this SO hard for me... I got lucky with Heidi. I never really had to play the "waiting game" when I was pregnant with her. That being my first pregnancy... I NEVER expected her to be early. I just assumed I would at LEAST make it to my due date - if not way past that. So this time... this waiting game has really got me inside my own head. If I HAD made it to (or past) my due date with Heidi, I would assume this time around that I would have roughly that same amount of time - or maybe just a few days sooner. But since she was 3 days early... will he be 3 days early? Will he be earlier than that? What if it's tomorrow? What if it's 2 weeks from tomorrow? How common is it for your second to be late if your first was early? What are the chances of that?
I am so incredibly stressed. My hormones are going INSANE and I am constantly up and down... so irritated, angry... I have been struggling HARDCORE so far this week to choose peace, faith and trust over stress and anxiety. I know getting out of the house and keeping my mind off of things helps... but I am also sooo tired at this point that all I really have the energy for is laying on the couch. Again - just another thing I feel so torn about! Resting/relaxing/driving myself insane vs. putting forth effort/going somewhere/doing something/getting my mind off of "things".... ARGH!! But what I have learned is that I am much more "stable" when I am out of the house and around people. That being said... I suffer dearly when a forego a nap. Naptime is still pretty crucial.
I never expected this "waiting" part to be so hard - and I know it's only hard because I am making it hard on myself. It is so hard and can feel so lonely - like I'm the only one in the world who feels this way.
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