The 6 week postpartum visit is a very special day to me these days and I want to explain why that is... because I don't think I am alone in my experience/feelings and I want people to know that there's something else (better) out there.
It all goes back to my 3rd baby.
My pregnancy with Cami was a very difficult one. It was so lonely and life had been flipped upside down. It was already a very dark time for me. I was however, still looking forward to giving birth to her, hopeful that it would give me all of those "on top of the world" feelings that birth had in the past and that it would be the positive experience I needed to close that difficult chapter. Spoiler alert - it wasn't. Even though it was our 3rd hospital birth, it was the first one that my actual OB was there for the delivery (which she knew I was excited about!) and also our first time having Ryan assist with catching! I birthed a 9 lb. 3 oz. baby (unmedicated!) yet I still left the hospital feeling completely deflated. (There were a lot of reasons why I felt that way, but I know it's because I felt alone and unsupported throughout the entire pregnancy and birth experience.)
At 6 weeks postpartum, I was grasping at straws - looking for ANY sort of validation, support, encouragement, recognition - anything to make me feel like I mattered. I was excited for my 6 week checkup. (During the birth, my OB had commented on Cami's size but she left before we had weighed her - I was excited to see her and also to share with her how much she ended up weighing!) I don't know why, but for some reason I had this weird need for approval or something from my OB. I think I just wanted to feel seen.
I had a lot of bleeding in the first few months postpartum. My body was way out of whack and I struggled with the constant starting/stopping of very heavy bleeding for about 4 months after Cami was born. At the time of this 6 week appointment I was bleeding. After a short wait in the waiting room, I was led to the exam room. I told the nurse that I was still bleeding and she said it was okay and that I should still undress so my OB could do an exam. She placed a chux pad on the table and left the room. I undressed, put on the paper "gown" to cover myself up and climbed on the table. For 45 minutes (maybe longer?) I waited on the table, sitting in my own blood, naked from the waist down with only a thin paper drape to keep me warm.
My OB finally came in. "Hi there. How's everything going? What are we doing for birth control?" That was basically it. Nothing personal, just another patient, another number. In and out as quickly as possible. "Okay you can workout, you can have sex. Off you go!" - isn't that how it always goes, that ONE postpartum check up at 6 weeks pp? With an OB, that's all the 6 week appointment is supposed to be - I know this - but most of the time we just need so much more than that. I left that appointment feeling like the absolute smallest person in the entire world. I felt like I didn't matter at all. To anyone, anywhere (except my husband). My experience didn't matter. Our birth didn't matter. How I felt didn't matter. I went and picked up my 2 older kids from preschool and we just drove. (There were a lot of things that pushed me over the edge with my postpartum depression, but this was absolutely one of them.) We drove and drove and I just cried and cried. I really struggled at the time to put into words how I was feeling - or at least WHY I was feeling that way. (It wasn't until a year or two later that I really began to understand.) I felt so let down. But I also knew it was silly to expect anything more.
When I was pregnant with my 4th baby, we made the switch to midwifery care. After a miraculous and incredible birth, a pregnancy where I was supported and cared for and prayed over and loved, we showed up to the birth center for my 6 week appointment basically to visit with a good friend. In addition to checking up on physical health, we talked about the birth, we laughed, we (I) cried. We talked about baby, my mental health, how I was adjusting, how the other kids were adjusting, how Ryan was doing mentally, how he felt like he was bonding with this new baby and how we were doing as a couple. And this most recent time was no different! It's truly amazing. With a midwife, the 6 week postpartum visit is NOT an appointment for someone to give you permission to workout and have sex. (In fact, there isn't even an exam unless a pap is due/desired.) It's a time to feel supported, nurtured and cared for. SEEN. "How ARE you? How are you REALLY? Let's talk about it. How can I support you?" It's not goodbye, it's not the end of the chapter, the end of healing or the end of postpartum. It's just a continuation of all of those things. When I leave those appointments with my midwife, she says "Call me! Text me Let me know how things are going! Let's check in and chat! I am still here for you."
So on these days (2, so far) where I have met my midwife for the 6 week postpartum visit, I celebrate. Oh how we celebrate it. It is a day for so much joy and remembrance. I acknowledge how far I've come. I think back to how empty and meaningless those check ups used to be for me, and celebrate how completely opposite they are now, with a this kind of care. I take time to just be thankful. Thankful that I am in a place to receive care from the loving hands and heart of a midwife, and it's just... indescribable. It feels so right to me. And my hope is that if anyone else out there, who has left that 6 week appointment with their OB and felt lost, disappointed, questioned things or wondered why it feels so empty - know that there is so much more out there and you aren't alone.
