Post-Second-Baby Body and Body Image

Okay, so this is something that I have been wanting to post about for a while. I want to talk about two things here and they might seem kind of conflicting but I promise it all ties in! First of all, I will be sharing how I was able to get my body back to a place that I was happy with after having my second baby because (before I got pregnant with baby #3) I had a lot of people asking how I did it! BUT I will also discuss body image stuff as well. It is VERY important that if you are going to read this post you read the entire thing (and it's kind of a long one - sorry). If you only plan on reading the first half do not bother starting because you're going to miss my whole point. Here we go!


7 months after I had my second baby, I truly felt like I was in the best shape of my adult life. Here are a few pictures just to show some "before and after" progress.

4 months postpartum vs. 7 months postpartum after baby #2

7 months postpartum

So what happened between August and October? I worked my ASS off that's what! Okay but seriously here's what went down. Previously (maybe after I had Heidi...I can't actually remember) I had discovered Kayla Itsines on Instagram. She has a program called the Bikini Body Guide a.k.a. "BBG". I had maybe done 6 weeks or so out of the 12 week program but decided that this time around I would do all 12 weeks and stick with it. Y'all. It doesn't matter who you are or how in shape you are this program will kick. Your. Ass. For reals. There were a few days where I would just lay face down on the ground and SOB after my workout because it was just that hard. That being said though - it is HIGHLY effective. (If you don't believe me scroll through Kayla's Instagram to see tons of before and after pictures!) As someone who has always been a runner and relatively fit, the changes in my body that I noticed were things that running alone could have never done for me. The BBG program essentially consists of 28 minute workouts (four 7-minute circuits with 1-2 minutes breaks in between) done 3 days per week for 12 weeks - which is insanely do-able even for us mamas! I totally have 30 minutes per day (3 days a week) to spend working out. I would typically just turn on some music and let the kids play. They can usually entertain themselves for 30 minutes! (Side note: There is a little more to the program that is recommended, a stretch day, cardio/high intensity and low intensity/jogging/walking days too but I was still running occasionally and also breastfeeding so I didn't go crazy with sticking with her entire schedule.)

Anyway, I don't want to scare anyone out of this program by saying how hard it is - I would seriously recommend it to ANY one. If you are in a place where you are not happy with your body and you are interested in making physical changes to become more fit I say go for it. (But please note that I am in no way a fitness professional and listening to your body and knowing your limits is extremely important with any workout regimen.) Kayla has an app for the program but I DO NOT recommend going that route. It is expensive and also I *think* it's some sort of subscription based thing - meaning it's not a one time payment but a monthly or yearly thing. The workout program can be purchased in .pdf form and I personally think that is a WAY better and cost-effective way to go. There are a lot of way cheap (and I'm sure illegal) copies out there (*cough*ebay*cough*) but if you're more the legal-type Kayla has a discount website where you can purchase the .pdfs legally and affordably. Click here for the discounted website! (There is a BBG 1.0 and 2.0. The 1.0 is the first 12 weeks and then she semi-recently came out with the 2.0 which is weeks 13-24 I believe. I personally have purchased 2.0 but not done more than a few days of it.) After purchasing the guides, I just took a screenshot of each of the workouts and saved them to it's own album on my phone. That way I could easily pull up the workout for that day a refer to it during the workout.

As we all know, exercise won't really do much for you if you're still eating trash. Diet is SOO important - and I don't mean "going on A diet","dieting" or simply counting calories (also super not healthy) - I mean eating healthy, tasty, nutrient-rich foods. After I had my second baby, I realized that my relationship with sugar had gotten to a SUPER unhealthy level so I knew I wanted to do something that would help me realign the way I viewed food/sugar/sweets. I'm the kind of person where it's REALLY hard for me to just say "okay, I'll try to start eating healthier" and do it and stick with it. I really needed an all-or-nothing type of thing at that point in my life. SO we decided to do our first round of Whole30 - which cuts out ALL added sugars for 30 days. I don't want this post to turn into me trying to convince you how awesome Whole30 is (that's a WHOLE other subject I could go on and on about for sure because I love it so much) so I'll leave it at this: Do it. Look into it. DEFINITELY read the book before or during. And just do it. I promise it will change your life even if you already eat pretty clean. It's NOT a diet program and NOT intended for weight loss at ALL but truly helps reset your body AND your mind to get to a much healthier place.

The combination of truly changing my diet and also implementing a regular exercise program (BBG + running) is what got me to a place where I was happier and healthier physically that ever before. I feel confident in everything my female body is capable of - from being fit to growing and having babies to having a plump postpartum belly to being fit again (and repeat). Respect and appreciation are just as important (if not more important) than working hard physically.

Now, onto part 2 of this post...!! (PLEASE KEEP READING!!)

I was recently at a church event with a group of women where the conversation essentially led to "what kind of plastic surgery do you want"/"what part(s) of you body are you unhappy with". Those weren't the ACTUAL initial questions but the conversation had basically turned into that. So many women - ALL of the women - were talking about Botox and wrinkles and boob jobs. It just blew my mind how each and every one of these women were insecure/unhappy with the way they looked or hated at least something about their body. Some of the girls even said that after they undress to get in the shower they shield their eyes from the mirror as they walk by so they don't have to see their own bodies. My heart absolutely and completely broke in two for these women. I also can't tell you how strange it felt to literally be the only one at the table who didn't (doesn't) have a desire to change anything about my body, my face, the way I look or how God created me. But it definitely got me thinking. WHY do I feel this way? Why DON'T I want perkier boobs or plumper lips or a smooth forehead? Part of it might be that I do work hard (and God has blessed me with a lot that allows me to do so - a healthy body, a double stroller to take the kids on runs and a husband who watches the kids so I can go on a long run by myself). I also have gotten to a point where I never want to fight the aging process. My time/energy/emotions are better spent elsewhere and I think I will be much happier if I just accept that I'm going to get wrinkles and grey hair. It's going to happen. I've accepted it and I'm okay with it. I don't know how to tell anyone else to get to that place but I promise if you can get there you'll never regret it.

BUT. I think the absolute BIGGEST reason that I do not share those same thoughts is because of my mom. My whole life I have NEVER not once heard my mom complain about her body. As a child or adult, my mom has never complained - at least to me - about any insecurities that she may (or may not) have about her body or the way she looks. She's never talked about boob jobs, or having a flatter tummy or her wrinkles. This realization has been so eye-opening to me as a woman and also mother to my own daughter. Even if I start to get saggy grandma "bingo arms" that jiggle when I wave, or my midsection is soft and fluffier than I'd like or my boobs look like some flat-ass pancakes or WHATEVER it is - I NEVER want to let my daughters OR sons hear me complain about that. I want all of my children to see a mom who is confident and happy with the way she looks - however that might be. A mama who has love and respect and appreciation for all of the MANY things my body has done and is doing for me and for this world.

So a couple of things.

- Being happy with your body does NOT equal a flat stomach, a certain number on the scale or a specific pant size. AT ALL. (Please do not think this is what I am saying - especially since yes I realize this post started off with my workout and diet experiences.) For me personally, I am MOST comfortable and confident with my physical appearance when I feel like I'm working to keep my body healthy and in shape. (Sure a 6-pack is always nice but that's not where anyone should find their true joy or appreciation.) This is why I do work hard and I do want to share about my fitness journey and the process and goals. I don't think it's BAD to want to be healthier or lose weight or live a fitter lifestyle - but you DO have to be really careful in your motivations for doing such things. I also share because (as I have said before) we are capable of ANYTHING. The world tells us that after kids (or even just after a certain age) that we will and should be unhappy and discouraged with our physical bodies. "Post-baby body" has such a negative connotation and IT SHOULDN'T. God has proven to me over and over again - ESPECIALLY through my birth experiences - that it's just NOT about what the world says. And I believe that that means how we see ourselves and our bodies too. Do not listen to this world.

- How do you get to a place where you love your body FULLY? Well, I'm no professional so I really don't know how to appropriately answer this one. Also because it is so personal/unique for each and every individual. My gut says to start with prayer. Ask God to guide your heart. Is He leading you to live a healthier lifestyle? Or maybe just an attitude adjustment? Or a little of both? How can He change your heart so that you feel happy and confident? (If you're not the praying type maybe just ask yourself these questions.) How can we make adjustments to view ourselves in a positive, happy, healthy way? For our children's sake and for our own.

- Lastly, (and I'm just going to bold this entire paragraph because this is my whole point) the importance of getting to a place where we love and like our bodies and everything about them is so far beyond our own scope. As women, as humans (regardless of gender or phase of life) we must love ourselves for our own joy and happiness. But ESPECIALLY as moms/parents - it's more important than ever. We cannot instill body confidence and positive views of our physical selves into our children by merely speaking it but also by living it, feeling it and believing it for ourselves. So do what you need to do to get there. It's crucial. Whether it's a change of heart or a change in lifestyle. Maybe it's just looking in the mirror and focusing on all of the things that you DO like (which works for some people I've heard). I don't have all of the answers - but if you are someone who is unhappy with yourself or your body seek assistance. Talk to friends or family members who will positively influence you and/or can lead you to resources that will allow you to realign your view of yourself.  

This is why I share. This is why I choose to be healthy. It's important for me as a woman, as a wife and as a mother to feel GOOD about my physical self - regardless of my pants size or fitness level at any given moment. Because my body is amazing the way that God created me and it deserves all the love and respect I can give it. And that's the kind of happiness and joy I want to instill in each one of my children. 

Baby #3 On The Way!

Well, here we go again!! We're pregnant with Baby #3 and are SO excited to become a family of FIVE! Keep reading to get all the deets!

(*Note: This post was written the day we officially announced our pregnancy on social media when I was 7 weeks pregnant, February 17, 2017.)

Due Date: October 1, 2017

How many weeks along am I now: 7 weeks (aka almost 2 months, aka 1st trimester)

How big is Baby Kresta: A playing die or tiny raspberry!

Boy or Girl: Already pretty convinced it's a girl... but it's of course a 50/50 shot regardless so we'll see!

Morning sickness: None! (Yet...?)

Exhaustion: Hmmm yes definitely SOO tired. So tired that we've been going to bed earlier than ever and I stopped caring about getting stuff done after the kids go to bed haha. That will eventually have to change however as the house is a mess and nothing ever gets done. I also can't bring myself to do anything during nap time except for nap! (Not that that wasn't already an issue buuut... at this point there's no question that napping will always win!)

Belly:  Nothin! Just some exaggerated food babies/bloating in the evenings after eating dinner usually. 

Planned: Let's be honest here. No. Haha. Not at all when we expected for our third baby to come into existence! However, as I have said before, by practicing Natural Family Planning/Fertility Awareness Method (NFP/FAM), we are always saying YES to God and His plan for our family. But in case you're even more curious about the TMI details here ya go (and if not skip on down past this next section):

How did we find out: Warning: TMI ahead. Back at the beginning of January, we had what I'm calling a...*ahem*..."miscommunication" if you will. With NFP/FAM I am always super aware of where I am in my cycle, when I'm ovulating, about to ovulate, etc. etc. So, as soon as this "miscommunication" took place, I instantly knew that pregnancy was a very real possibility (I was due to ovulate any day at that point). And I kind of freaked out juuuuust a little bit. (There were several reasons why I knew *thought* this wasn't a good time for us to get pregnant, one of which being that Ryan's sister is getting married in October and I knew a January pregnancy would potentially be a major interference with our attendance to that. Plus, even though I LOVE being pregnant, giving birth and bringing babies into this world, I did truly want a liiiiiittle bit more of a body break between kids this time around. Like, maybe at least another full year. I mean, we have a 9 month old for crying out loud! So, this is why I was freaking out about the potential of another pregnancy.) But this really was just a GIANT miscommunication!

Well, several days passed and I ended up not ovulating until 3 days after that. At that point, I honestly thought we PROBABLY missed the window for fertilization, but knew that there was still a teeny tiny chance (HAH). (I was also still breastfeeding, although by this point I knew that wasn't any sort of preventative. However I wondered if those hormones would still do enough to slow things down or maybe prevent implantation? Who knows - although not something that I bank on once my babies start sleeping through the night and my cycle returns.) 

I even sent Ryan this picture of my ovulation monitor on the day I ovulated (3 days after
our "miscommunication") and said something to the effect of "Looks like we
 might have dodged the bullet!" MIGHT have. Maybe...At this point, I was thinking there 
was maybe still like a...25% chance that I would get pregnant, but definitely 
wasn't thinking it would end up happening. 

ANYWAY, I did some math and started testing the earliest I thought it would be MAYBE be possible to get a positive test. I took 3 tests over the course of that week all of which were negative. I REALLY assumed that I wasn't pregnant by then, but honestly the more negatives I saw, the more sad that I realized I was getting when those negative tests were staring me in the face. I really didn't think that I was ready to have another baby so soon, so I was a little surprised at my growing disappointment. I really wasn't feeling "waves of relief" with each negative or anything even though I was still feeling pretty stressed about the situation. After the 3 negatives, I waited a few days and debated on whether I should take another one or not. I remember waking up on that Monday morning, sitting up in bed with my feet hanging off the edge and thinking "Okay, I think this is the last day that I could possibly get a positive before completely missing my period, but I really really don't want to take another one since I already know it's going to be negative." But something still told me to take one more. Just one more. (And looking back, I actually believe that I felt implantation happen the evening before. I should have known!) Also, I am not someone who can wait weeks and weeks to know if I'm pregnant, or just see if I miss my period and wonder if I'm just late or actually pregnant... I have to know the earliest minute possible. So, I wasn't about to throw caution to the wind and move on with my life without knowing FOR. SURE. So I took one last test, set it on the ground and looked down a few seconds later. 

Side note: Usually, when I'm examining negative pregnancy tests (which is apparently a lot), my eyes will try to "guess" where the line might be, or even see if one can be fabricated. But when that faint faint positive shows up, I almost always second guess it. I think "okay, I think I'm making up where the line is SUPPOSED to be... but it's not actually there, right?" This literally happens to me every time.) 

That morning, when I picked up the pregnancy test and took a closer look and realized I wasn't making up that little line's existence. I just sat there on the toilet and cried my eyes out. Not because I was sad, or scared or unhappy, but because I was SO overjoyed to see that positive, to know that there was another tiny life growing inside of me and also because I was surprised and relieved that I wasn't feeling any of those negative feelings I thought I might feel should a pregnancy occur. I could hardly believe it. It was a gorgeous day outside, so of course I loaded up my first two babies into the stroller and immediately went on my run for the day. I took as many pictures as I could because I always love looking back on those special days and remembering all of those incredible emotions. I took Heidi and Wells to our bi-monthly church playgroup where I of course told all of my mom friends, but I hadn't even told Ryan yet haha! I wanted to wait and tell him in person, so I told him as soon as he got home from work later that day. 

Why did we decide share the news now: Ever since my first pregnancy, I have felt very convicted to share our pregnancy news as soon as possible. When I was pregnant with Heidi, I can remember thinking to myself: "I'm doing this thing that everyone is telling me I'm supposed to do (by waiting to share) but why?" I do not feel like I'm protecting myself by keeping my babies a secret until a certain magical time. It is a personal decision for everyone, but I would be hurting myself and making things much much harder on our family should a miscarriage or other health issue occur. Every woman and every family is different, so the decision truly is different for everyone, but I feel very strongly about not keeping our pregnancies a secret until X number of weeks. We will always share the news of pregnancy within that first month or two, because regardless of whether it's a healthy pregnancy or if a miscarriage happens a life is a life and one that deserves love, joy and celebrating. One way or another. 

How far apart will Wells and baby #3 be: 18 months (yikes!)

The first positive test - 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant.

Took another test 10 days later just to be sure - definitely MORE positive!

This was how I told Ryan I was pregnant! I had really been pressing hard for us to go back to Hawaii for our 5 year anniversary this October. While he was at work, I made this card and stuffed it in an envelope that we had received in the mail from someone else. (Of course, I made sure to tear the envelope just right so it cut off the return address, so he wouldn't know who it was from, but still not be totally suspicious until opening the card..) When he walked in the door, I was laying on the couch and both kids were still napping. I casually picked it up off the coffee table and said "Oh, hey this came in the mail today." Hehe. Loved being able to catch him (at least a little bit) off guard this time around!! See you in 2018 Hawaii!!! We're comin for ya! (Currently booking babysitters for October 2018... ;).)

We are SO excited to welcome this third addition to our family. Pregnancy is totally my jam and bringing babies into the world is something that I truly love to do. I am so excited and SO grateful that God is allowing me to experience it all again. We look forward to sharing our journey with you for a THIRD time!

Month 11 - Wells

Month 11: Baby!

Age: 11 months

Weight: Still hanging out in the 19-20 lb. range

Major calendar events: Valentine's Day

Milestones: Saying dada, will put his hands over his head if you ask him how big he is, has started using the potty before bath time (and has even pooped on his little potty between 5-10 times woo woo!), nursed for the last time :(

Sleep: Great! Napping and sleeping at nighttime in his crib and going down (usually) awake and with minimal crying. Although, sometimes we will still nap together :).

Likes: Dancing! Playing with toys, playing with his sister, saying "aaaaaa" at the same time as someone else, playing with our little toy kitchen set

Dislikes: When mealtime is over, being strapped into his high chair (honestly, I NEVER had to strap Heidi into anything. I just recently used the high chair straps for the very first time because I turned around and Wells was standing up in the high chair! Sorry buddy.)

Best moment: He's so happy all of the time it's hard to really say one moment has been better than any of the others. He loves to laugh and smile!

Worst moment: Probably being tackled or smashed by his sister. She loves to love him hard!

Eating: Eating SO much food and is now completely weaned. I decided to wean Wells a few weeks "early". I say early because my personal goal is always to breastfeed for 1 year, but once I found out I was pregnant I became even more anxious to wean him. (Breastfeeding hormones tend to make me feel very depressed and down about 6-8 months in, so I had already been feeling pretty anxious to wean. I was still going to stick it out until he was 1, but once I found out I was pregnant that was enough to tip the scale. Pregnancy hormones started to make my nipples much more sensitive so nursing became pretty uncomfortable. I was ready to stop, but I also knew that he was ready too. He loves food so much and I knew that he probably wouldn't even really notice if he stopped getting the boob. The process was much easier and simpler than when I weaned Heidi (I put a lot more thought into it then and it was a little bit more of a process). With Wells, I just kind of stopped. It took him a little while to get used to cold cow's milk but he's fine with it now. I never even mixed breast and cows milk together - something I did gradually with Heidi over the course of a week. (Here is more info on my weaning process with Heidi!) All of this being said, and as smoothly as it went, I still feel a lot of guilt when I think about weaning him at 11 months instead of 12 (haha). Of course, it makes me sad simply that I can't say "I nursed him until he was 1" but also because I still want to make sure he is getting everything that he needs nutritionally. If he does need to be "supplimented" it should be coming from me. A part of me feels selfish for weaning him for my own personal reasons. Now I realize that there are plenty of people out there that don't nurse for a year (or at all) and who have no issues with that. And that's okay. But that's not okay for me. That's just not what I want for myself and my babies. (Again, not saying that's not okay for others.) Anyway, this guy eats SO much food and lots of fruits and veggies and I know he's getting plenty of nutrition. I can't imagine that a couple of extra weeks of nursing would make that much of difference in his life. Weaning is always SOOO bittersweet. I am SOOO happy to be FREE, feel more like myself and not have to wear nursing bras and nursing friendly clothing, but I ALWAYS cry my eyes out when I nurse my babies for the final time. It's SUCH a blessing to be able to provide that for them and I value that time we spend together SO much. I have loved nursing my baby boy and am grateful that it's because of him that I truly fell in love with breastfeeding. 

Things I want to remember: Spending alone time with Wells while Heidi is at MDO and he is still the baby

She loves him. The feeling is mutual despite his efforts to escape her grasps!

The face he gave me while drinking his first bottle of cold cow's milk. He looked
so confused and I cried my eyes out but he still drank almost the whole thing. He's such a good boy.

Our last nursing session :( :( :(.

He loves his daddy!

"SOOOOO big!"

Silly happy man. Love this guy.